Wasting Away
by dragonprincess1988
Summary: Leo knows there's something going on with Raph. He just never suspected that it would be something of this magnitude.
1. Chapter 1

Lately, Leo has noticed something about one of his brothers that he finds rather concerning. He's been trying to find a way to broach the subject with said brother, but given that, even at the best of times, his conversations with Raph are rather stunted, Leo's not really sure what to do. After all, it might be nothing, but somehow he's sure that it's not. It sounds ridiculous when he thinks about it, because Raph has been acting nicer to everyone, and Leo means everyone. Mikey, Donnie, Casey, April, him…especially him, and Leo wants to enjoy the reprieve they've all gotten from Raph's normally abrasive attitude, but he can't ignore certain things that he's noticed recently.

He sighs as he thinks about it. He should be happy, elated even, that Raph has been getting along with all of them so much better than normal, and Leo wants to just let it go. He really does, but he can't stop himself from thinking that there's something more going on here. There's something wrong, and no matter how much he wants to be delighted with this change he just can't be, because Raph's attitude isn't the only thing that's changed about him. Leo has been keeping a pretty close eye on Raph ever since the whole incident with The Creep. He knows there's not much he can do to protect his brother now that they're back at the lair. After all, Raph has returned to venturing out with Casey alone, but Leo can't seem to forget how close he came to losing his brother.

A part of him hopes that everything he's noticed about Raph recently is just his paranoia, but there are just too many minor details for Leo to ignore. Raph's lost weight. Leo first noticed that Raph was constantly tugging his belt up when they were still at the farmhouse. At the time, Leo had just assumed that the rigorous training regimens Raph was putting himself through and the change in diet were affecting him, but they've been back at the lair for some time now and it seems as though Raph is still steadily losing weight. His appetite has changed and he seems to tire easily, but the most concerning thing of all is the fact that Raph seems weaker lately. Normally, moving around large heavy objects would be effortless for him, but recently every time they've needed to lug something heavy back to the lair Raph has actually needed help.

Donnie and Mikey haven't really seemed to notice the differences in Raph, and what little they have noticed they mock him for, instead of showing concern. Leo hasn't said anything to either of them about that particular behavior, because he's afraid that if he does, then his reservations will suddenly become more than his own paranoia. That said, Leo doesn't think he can continue ignoring the obvious. There's something going on with Raph, and whatever it is it's affecting him in ways that any enemy could easily take advantage of. Leo has already come too close to losing Raph once. He won't let fear be the reason he loses him for good.

Leo heaves a large breath and holds it for a moment in preparation for what he's about to do. There's a small part of him calling him a coward for choosing to go to someone else about this first, but Leo keeps trying to convince himself that this is just the most logical choice. He just wishes he believed it. He knocks on the door, and then waits for the cursory, "Come in," before he slides open the door to the lab and steps into Donnie's domain.

"Hey, Donnie, you got a minute?" Leo fidgets in the doorway while Donnie does something with one of the various glass vials on his desk.

"Sure, Leo, what do you need?"

Donnie doesn't even glance up from his work, but that doesn't really bother Leo. The genius of the family is well known for his multitasking abilities. "I was wondering if you've noticed anything strange about Raph, lately."

Donnie merely shrugs as he grabs an eyedropper from the other side of his work area. "Well, now that you've mention it, I have noticed that the two of you haven't really been fighting lately. I mean, sure, you still bicker, but no real fights. It's odd."

Leo shakes his head. He's not surprised that that's the first thing Donnie mentions. After all, his arguments with Raphael have always been a source of irritation for their younger brothers. "No, I meant more specific than that."

Donnie still doesn't even pause in what he's doing, but Leo is fairly certain that he's still paying attention to him. "I don't know. Is there something you're worried about in particular?"

Leo shrugs, despite the fact that Donnie can't see it. He's suddenly extremely uncomfortable with this whole conversation. He didn't actually think that it would be this difficult to address his concerns, but since he hasn't actually approached Raphael about this, Leo feels like discussing it with Don might be over stepping some boundaries. That said, he's here now, and he's already interrupted Donnie, so it's only logical for him to proceed. "Well, he hasn't really been eating lately, and, when he does eat, it's only a minuscule amount. He doesn't really seem to have as much energy as he normally does, and have you noticed that he's gotten weaker?"

Donnie just shrugs again, still staring intently at whatever he's working on. "Well, Mikey has been experimenting with various types of food a lot since we got back, and you can't really blame a guy for not wanting to eat that. Not to mention, if he's not eating, then it makes sense that he's tired and doesn't have the same amount of strength as normal. Maybe we just need to have a pizza night, and tell Mikey to lay off of the random food combinations."

Leo smiles brightly at the suggestion. It makes complete and utter sense that Raph just doesn't feel like in taking any of Mikey's insane concoctions. Leo assumes Raph hasn't actually said anything about it, because he doesn't want to hurt Mikey's feelings. They've all had such a rough time with everything since returning to the lair, and Raph really has been doing his best to keep his temper under control. Leo just wishes he had thought about all of this before. After all, he's been practically worrying himself sick over evidently nothing, and it isn't fair to Raph - or really any of them - that he hasn't put a stop to Mikey's cooking madness sooner.

"Yeah, you're right, Don. Thanks a lot. I'll let you get back to work now." He turns to leave the lab as Donnie hums an acknowledgment, which Leo ignores in favor of tracking down his youngest brother to inform him that tonight's dinner has to be something normal…well, their version of normal, anyway.

Leo isn't the least bit surprised to find Mikey in the kitchen talking a mile a minute to Ice Cream Kitty, while tossing random items into a pot. "Uh, hey, Mikey, whatcha doin'?"

Mikey spins around with a wooden spoon in his hand, laden with some kind of clumpy red goop that splatters across Leo's plastron. Mikey stares at the mess he's made with a sheepish grin. "Uh, sorry, Leo. I didn't mean to get you with my cherry sardine anchovy pizza sauce. You're not mad, are you?"

Leo glances down at his red covered plastron, but immediately looks away again when the smell makes his eyes water. Normally, he would be aggravated by the mess, but he has more important things to focus on right now. "No, I'm not mad, but please tell me that that's not what you're making for dinner."

Mikey shakes his head as he passes Leo a towel to clean himself with. "No, of course not! This is just for me and Ice Cream Kitty, though if you want some, I could always make more. Tonight's dinner, however, is going to be hot sauce carrot marshmallow mayo pineapple pizza rolls."

Leo grimaces at the very idea of that combination and tries not to gag at the smell of whatever Mikey is currently making. "Um, no thanks, Mikey. I was actually wondering if you could make something special for dinner tonight."

Mikey nods enthusiastically at the suggestion, even though Leo hasn't even told him what he's planning. "Sure, bro. You name it, and I'll make it."

"Well…" Leo pauses for a moment while he considers the best way to phrase his request. He doesn't want to hurt Mikey's feelings, but, at the same rate, Leo doesn't think anyone would forgive him if he didn't put an end to the hot sauce marshmallow pineapple whatever rolls Mikey is planning on serving tonight. "I'm sure you've noticed how hard Raph has been trying to keep his temper under control and how well he's succeeded lately, so I was thinking we could make his favorite foods for dinner. You know, as a way to show our appreciation and to let him know that we've noticed his efforts."

Mikey practically jumps up and down at the suggestion. "Aw man, Leo, that's a great idea! I'll get started on it right away. Raph's been so awesome lately. It's the least I could do. You go keep Raph busy, and we can make it a surprise and everything." Mikey ushers Leo out of the room, and immediately rushes back over to where he left Ice Cream Kitty.

Leo can't help but laugh at how excited Mikey is. He really should have done this sooner. He's sure once Raph has a good meal and a decent night's sleep, then things will start to return to normal. Leo is about halfway to Raph's room when he realizes he should make sure that Mikey actually remembers what Raph's favorite foods are, since the energetic turtle has a habit of getting everyone's favorite foods confused with his own. However, Leo doesn't even make it to the threshold of the kitchen before Ice Cream Kitty is in his way, hissing at him. Leo glances down and smiles. "Okay, I get it. You're on guard duty, but since this was my idea I think you can let me in, right?"

Ice Cream Kitty shakes her head and hisses again. Leo rolls his eyes, but he knows better than to just step over her. After all, there are only so many times someone can be slimed with ice cream before he takes note of the situation. "Mikey, come here for a second."

There's a loud crash that makes Leo wince, but, before he can even ask if everything is alright, Mikey is standing before him covered from head to toe in - what appears to be - flour. "What do ya need, bro?"

"I just wanted to make sure that we're clear that you're making Raph's favorite foods, and, you know," Leo gives him a very pointed glare, "not your own."

Mikey's brow furrows with the accusation as he folds his arms over his chest. "I know and I've got this, dude. Now go keep Raph busy."

Mikey gestures for him to leave, but Leo figures it's probably best if they don't leave their genius brother out of their impromptu surprise dinner. "Oh, and feel free to tell Don about this and get his help once he's finished with…whatever he's doing."

Mikey nods as he once again shoves Leo in the direction of Raph's room. "Yeah, I will, as soon as everything is ready, I'll have Don help me set the table and stuff. Just make sure Raph stays out of the kitchen." Mikey gives Leo one final push before returning to his task. Leo sighs heavily. He just wants everything to go smoothly today. They all deserve some down time and an actually edible meal. It's been so long since they've gotten a chance to just chill and Leo desperately needs things to go back to normal, even if it is just so he can stop worrying so much.

Leo makes his way to Raph's room, unsurprised to find the door shut tight. He knocks on the door, hoping that he isn't interrupting something important. Although, Leo doesn't know what he could possibly be interrupting, since he can't hear the sounds of Raph working out or playing his drums. He can, however, hear Raph grumble as he makes his way over towards the door. When he opens it, Raph seems genuinely stunned to see Leo standing there, and Leo doesn't understand why. He doesn't think it should be that shocking for Leo to seek out his younger brother. "What's going on?"

Leo's brow furrows at the question. They haven't been fighting recently, so, as far as he's concerned, there's no reason for Raph to be so on edge. It's not as though he only comes to Raph's room for patrol related reasons, except, as Leo thinks about it for a moment, he realizes maybe he does. He makes a mental note to work on that, but right now he has a bit of an agenda to deal with, so he smiles sheepishly and does his level best not to say anything too revealing. Raph always seems to know when Leo is lying, so he generally tries not to do so around his brother. "Um, I was wondering if I could hang out in here with you for a while. Mikey has the kitchen quarantined off with Ice Cream Kitty as his guard and Donnie is working on…something. I don't know what, and I'd rather not end up in the crossfire when something inevitably explodes."

Leo figures it should be a good enough excuse that Raph won't want to go anywhere near the kitchen for the foreseeable future. Not to mention, it'll give them a chance for some bonding time with each other. Raph stares at him for a long moment before he shrugs and moves aside to allow Leo into his room. "Why didn't ya just go to your own room and meditate or something, like you normally do?" Raph's tone is genuinely curious and not at all antagonistic, which leaves Leo at a loss for words.

He doesn't really know what to say, so he just goes with the truth. "I just wanted to spend some time with you. You've been rather aloof lately."

"No, I haven't." Raph responds swiftly with an air of tension.

Leo raises an eyebrow ridge at the rather defensive tone. "Sure, you have. You spend almost all of your time in here. Heck, I don't even think you workout as much as you usually do, and when you aren't in here you're with Casey."

Leo doesn't even realize how accurate that is until he says it out loud, and then he just stares at Raph waiting for the inevitable explosion, because he's sure this is bound to start a fight. He's so damn livid with himself, because the last thing he wants to do is to have an altercation with Raph, especially when he's spent so long worrying himself sick over his brother.

Raph clenches both of his fists tightly and Leo braces himself for the unavoidable yelling, but instead all Raph does is sigh heavily. He looks exhausted as he slumps down onto his bed, holding his head in his hands, and Leo just blinks rapidly at the unexpected response. "Yeah, I guess I have been spending a lot of time out with Casey lately, but I'm no more aloof than normal." Raph glares; daring Leo to argue with him, but it just makes Leo want to smile. However, he's fairly certain that it would actually start a fight if he did, no matter how much Raph is trying to control his rage.

Leo holds up his hands in the air as if trying to defuse the situation. If Raph is willing to put aside his temper and try to get along with him, then the least Leo can do is try to help. "Okay, but why have you been spending so much time with Casey lately? I mean, did…did we do something?"

Raph's head snaps up and he stares at Leo as though he's insane. "What? No, why would you think that?"

Leo just shrugs. He's not used to Raph opening up this much, and that's something else he promises himself he's going to work on later. "I don't know. I just feel like you've been avoiding us lately."

Raph sighs heavily again as he rubs the back of his head. "I haven't. It's just…the lair is just so damn suffocating after spending so much time at the farmhouse, ya know? And the noise is driving me crazy. I mean, I know Mikey and Donnie are just as loud as they've always been and the sound reverberates off the walls and pipes the same way it always has, but it's been making me loopy lately. I guess it's because when we were at the farmhouse and Mikey was his normally obnoxious self, I could always just go outside. And Donnie was always in the barn tinkering with things, so the noise was a little less deafening then, but now…it's just…"

Raph trails off seemingly at a loss for words and Leo just nods. He thinks he understands. The farmhouse was so quiet in comparison to the lair. It makes sense that Raph is having difficulty adjusting, especially since he found the lair's atmosphere oppressive even before they stayed at the farmhouse. "You know, we can always go out into the sewers, if you're feeling a little claustrophobic."

Raph glares at him and growls. "I'm not afraid of small spaces, Leo."

Leo holds up his hands again in a placating gesture. "I didn't mean to imply that you were. It's just…I know how stifling the lair can be, especially when compared to the woods, and I thought it might be nice to get out of here for a while. Besides, it's not like we really want to be here for when Mikey destroys the kitchen or Donnie blows something up in his lab."

Raph smirks slightly at the thought. "You do have a point."

Leo gasps in mock shock and places a hand on his own chest over his heart. "You agree I have a point? I never thought I'd see the day. Can I get that in writing?"

Raph rolls his eyes as he practically shoves Leo out of the room. "Alright, Fearless, let's go before you die of a heart attack."

The two of them head out of the lair, steering clear of both the kitchen and the lab, and make their way for the sewer tunnels. Leo is a little concerned by how tired Raph seems, but he's sure that some time away from the lair will be good for him. After all, it always has been before.

They aimlessly amble through the tunnels and Leo can't help but wonder why they don't do this more often. There's no reason the two of them can't explore the sewers more. After all, they used to do this all of the time when they were younger. Leo doesn't really know what changed or why they stopped. All he knows is that some time after Master Splinter named Leonardo the leader his relationship with Raphael altered. Leo knows that part of it is his own fault. He knew that Raph was envious that he was named leader and, instead of ignoring that envy and helping his brother move past it, Leo used it against him, mocked him for it, and helped drive a wedge between them. He facilitated the creation of the chasm between them, and Leo honestly doesn't remember why.

All he knows is that, ever since the farmhouse, the rift between them has seemingly dissipated, though Leo knows he has had very little to do with that. Instead of actively working with Raph to resolve their issues the way he has always desired; a three month coma, severe injuries, a missing sensei, and an alien invasion did the work for him. Leo honestly feels cheated. He may not know the reason that Raph has been trying so hard to control his rage lately, but Leo feels certain it has something to do with those three months he was unconscious and the subsequent weeks after when they believed their father was dead. Leo just wishes it hadn't taken his utter failure and the near death of both their father and himself to calm his most aggressive brother.

Leo doesn't know how long they've been trekking through the sewers, but as he swiftly glances around he can't help but smile at where they've ended up. They haven't been here in a long time, but it seems fitting that today of all days their wandering has brought them here. Leo turns toward Raph to see him leaning against the sewer wall. Leo can tell that he's trying to appear relaxed, but he just looks thin and worn-out. "Are you okay?"

Raph raises an eye ridge at him. "Asks the turtle who's been so lost in thought that he didn't even notice we've been here for like five minutes."

Leo rolls his eyes, choosing to let Raph have his fun and ignore the nagging feeling that something is wrong, because he knows that Donnie would have noticed if it was something serious. When they return to the lair, Raph will eat and sleep and things will be better. Leo is sure of it. In the mean time, he just has to keep calm and make sure that a fight doesn't break out between the two of them. Leo is sure he's accomplished more complicated things than this. He just can't think of any right now.

"So, Mister We've-been-here-for-five-minutes, you feel like a swim?" Leo gestures to the giant pool of clean water in front of him. They used to come to this part of the sewer and swim for hours when they were children.

Raph smirks and shrugs. "Sure, why not?"

Leo grins evilly as he moves closer to his brother. "Good." Before Raph can say or do anything, Leo pushes him into the water. It's times like these that Leo is exceedingly pleased that his brilliant brother waterproofed their Tphones. Otherwise, he'd be getting an earful from Donnie once they returned.

He laughs as Raph breaks the surface, spluttering and glaring the whole time. "Leo, you dork! You know, you're gonna pay for that."

Leo is still laughing at the look on Raph's face when his brother reaches up, grabs his foot, and drags him into the water. Leo breaks the surface with a wide grin and immediately splashes Raph in the face. His brother is winded with his laughter, but manages to create a fairly large wave with his hands in order to splash Leo back. From there, it's an all out brawl to see who can create the biggest wave, neither one of them really winning, and, for once, neither caring, either. It isn't long before the splashing contest loses its appeal and the two of them end up wrestling each other in an attempt to dunk the other into the water. Leo is surprised that he manages to push Raph under the water more than a few times, while Raph only manages to dunk him twice, but they're both laughing and having fun so he thinks nothing of it.

It's hours later when Leo decides it's been long enough for Mikey to set everything up. He reluctantly gets out of the water and gestures for Raph to do the same. "We should probably head back. The others will be wondering where we got off to soon."

Raph nods as he gets out as well. Leo can't help but smile and chortle as Raph shakes like a dog to get the water off of him. "What do you think blew up first…the lab or the kitchen?"

Leo shrugs. "With our luck, both at the same time." He really hopes that everything is going smoothly back home and that Mikey and Donnie have managed to have an explosion free day, but he knows better than to assume that that's the case. Still, Leo's sure that if anything truly disastrous had happened one of the two would have called him.

XYZXYZ

When the two of them enter the lair, Leo is far more relieved than he should be to find the place in one piece. They can both smell something amazing coming from the kitchen, and Leo can't keep the grin off of his face. It seems that the other two managed just fine while they were gone. He knows he shouldn't find that as surprising as he does, but well…New York's mutant population isn't the only reason they've all been so drained lately.

Raph sniffs the air before turning towards Leo. "Wait, that smells like chili. Why would Mikey make chili? He doesn't even really like it, despite the fact that he'll still eat it."

Leo can't help but roll his eyes as he snickers at the perplexed expression on his brother's face. "Why don't you just go ask him?"

Raph gives him a very suspicious glare, but doesn't say anything as he heads towards the kitchen. Leo silently follows behind him with a knowing smirk that he can't suppress even if he wants to. Raph stops dead as he enters the kitchen to see Donnie and Mikey standing in front a large pot on the stove arguing. "I'm telling you, Mikey; I don't think it should be that thick."

Mikey glares at Donnie as he rips the ladle out of the genius's hand. "You might be the science-ie turtle, but I'm the cooking master, and, I'm telling you, it's chili…not soup. Of course, it's supposed to be that thick. Now, stop arguing and move!"

Raph stares dumbfounded for a long moment, and Leo has to bite the inside of his cheek to keep from snorting at the expression on his most aggressive brother's face. "Why is there chili?" The words seemingly tumble out of Raph's mouth.

Leo's actually fairly certain that he didn't even notice that he asked the question out loud until Mikey spins around with a grin on his face. "I'm pretty sure we can't have chili dogs without chili, bro."

Raph blinks a few times, still seemingly lost and confused. "Why would we have chili dogs? I'm the only one who really likes 'em."

Leo snickers at that, but when Mikey launches himself at Raph and wraps his arms around him, Leo can't help but laugh out right. "Dude, we're having them because they're your favorite, or, at least, we would be if _somebody_ ," Mikey turns to glare at Donnie, "would stop arguing with me about the consistency of chili."

Donnie holds up his hands in a mollifying gesture. "Fine, fine, I'm done arguing with the great cooking master."

Mikey beams as he hops back over to the stove. "Great, 'cause I need you to stir while I get the pretzel buns out of the oven."

Raph stares in disbelief once more. "You made pretzel buns? I love pretzel buns!"

"No, duh! Seriously, bro, what kind of brother would I be if I made chili dogs without the pretzel buns? Honestly, and you guys call me the dumb one."

Raph rolls his eyes, but there's a rather large smile on his face, which actually has Leo relaxing quite a bit. Maybe this is all they really needed, after all. He reminds himself to thank both Donnie and Mikey for this later when Raph is out of ear shot. After all, his younger brother doesn't exactly need to know exactly how troubled Leo has been about him as of late, anyway.

After Mikey takes the pretzel buns out of the oven, Raph points to an aluminum foiled plate that has been set off to the side. Leo didn't even notice it before, but now that he's seen it, he hopes that it's what he thinks it is. "What's that?"

Mikey grins brightly at him as he jumps between Raph and said plate. "That, my dear brother, is dessert. If you want to know what it is, here's a hint, it's your favorite."

Raph's eyes narrow for a second and Leo tries with all of his might not to snicker at his brother's suspicious nature. "Wait, you don't mean chocolate strawberry bread, do you?"

Mikey laughs as he glances over Donnie's shoulder to check on the chili. "What else would I mean? It even has that glaze that you like."

Raph glares at the room in general as though something is truly off, which makes Leo shake his head. He believes wholeheartedly that Raph shouldn't be so wary just because they did something nice for him. "But the other two think it's too sweet and no one likes seeing you on a sugar high." Leo does his best not to cringe at the aforementioned sugar rush Mikey will undoubtedly suffer later. It's worth it, though, especially if Raph actually eats more than a few bites of something.

"And yet, it remains your favorite, thus we made it for you." Leo can tell that Donnie is rolling his eyes just from the tone of his voice, but he doesn't comment on it.

Suddenly, the smile drops off of Raph's face as he glares at all of them. "Okay, that's it! What did you guys do?"

Leo blinks rapidly at Raph's outburst, unsure of what he really expected when he came up with this idea, but this certainly isn't it. "What do you mean?"

Raph turns his glare on Leo, who refuses to back away from his enraged brother. "You've spent all day with me, doing your best not to get into a fight with me, and these two," Raph jabs his finger in the direction of the other two, "are working together to make my favorite foods. Obviously, one or all of you did something horrible and you're just buttering me up before you tell me. So, come on, who was it and what did you do?"

Leo places both of his hands on Raph's shoulders in an attempt to calm him down. "None of us did anything."

Raph knocks both of Leo's hands off of him and balls his hands into fists, clearly trying to keep himself from losing his temper completely. "I don't believe you! This is some kind of trick."

Raph is about to storm away, Leo can tell just by the way he squares his shoulders, but before he gets a chance Mikey forces Raph into another hug. "It's not a trick. We just wanted to do something nice for you, since you've been so nice to us lately."

Raph stares at them with an expression of utter confusion. "What are you guys talkin' about?"

Donnie steps closer to Raph - who's still trapped in Mikey's death grip of an embrace - and places a hand on his shoulder. "We've all noticed how hard you've been working lately on trying to keep your rage under control and we wanted to show our appreciation. That's all."

Raph removes himself from Mikey's embrace and takes a step back. "So, none of ya did anything to my room or anything, like that time Mikey filled my pillow case with cockroaches."

They all shake their heads vigorously as Mikey sighs heavily. "How many times do I have to apologize for that?"

Leo knows exactly what to expect after that particular inquiry, and he knows better than to give either of the other two a chance to respond to it. "Mikey, shouldn't someone be stirring the chili or something?"

Mikey's eyes widen as he realizes no one is watching the still simmering food. "Right, you are, Leo!" He rushes over to the stove and immediately begins stirring the contents of the pot.

Leo just hopes nothing burned during Raph's little outburst. He so desperately wants everything to go well tonight. "Is everything okay over there, Mikey?"

Mikey waves a hand as if to dismiss Leo's unease. "It's all good, bro. You guys should sit down. It's almost ready."

The three of them sit down and wait silently for Mikey to put the finishing touches on dinner. There's still a fair amount of tension in the room, but that's what they have Mikey for, and, true to form, Mikey finishes dinner in record time, placing a plate with three chili dogs on it in front of Raph. "There's plenty where that came from, so should we try to break your record?" He winks at his brother and laughs manically.

As much as Leo would like to cringe in disgust at the amount of chili dogs Raph has consumed in one sitting before and put an end to this awful tradition, he's actually hoping that Raph attempts to beat his record, because then he'll have actually eaten more than a small serving of something for the first time in a long while. He smirks as he folds his arms over his chest, knowing Raph can never resist a challenge. "Come on, Mikey, there's no way he can break that record."

Donnie gives him a look of utter astonishment. "Leo, you're not honestly supporting this ridiculous tradition, are you?"

Leo shrugs as he continues smirking at Raph. "What's the big deal? Mikey and Raph have so much fun with this."

Donnie shakes his head, but doesn't protest any further. Leo wonders if Donnie has caught on to what he's doing yet or if he just knows it's futile to try and stop it. "Well, you guys can count me out of this. I'm having my standard two chili dogs before I return to my lab, and you two," he points to Raph and Mikey, "can deal with your stomach aches all on your own."

Raph rolls his eyes as he takes a huge bite out of one of his chili dogs, and then his eyes close in utter bliss. He doesn't even bother swallowing completely before speaking. "Mikey, these are amazing!"

Mikey beams at the compliment as he devours his own chili dog. "Eh, not as great as pizza, but good. Hey, what do you guys think of chili dog pizza? That's gotta be amazing, right?"

Leo shakes his head at his little brother. If he's honest, he's surprised Mikey hasn't already made a chili dog pizza. "How about you lay off the crazy food concoctions for a while, okay, Mikey? Besides, I think all of our stomachs are going to need a day of recovery after this."

Mikey gives him the saddest expression he can muster for about three seconds before he realizes that his plate is empty and he goes to retrieve more food. While he's standing at the stove, Mikey taps Raph's seat with his foot. "Hey man, you ready for more?"

Raph shakes his head and Leo glances over to see Raph has eaten exactly one and a half chili dogs. "Actually, I think I'm done. Thanks for making these, Mikey. They're really good."

Mikey drops the ladle back into the pot halfway through making up his full plate of chili dogs and spins around so fast that Leo is actually surprised that none of his chili dogs go flying off of his plate. "What do you mean you're done? Dude, you normally eat like a dozen of these things."

Raph shrugs and glances away from them. "Yeah, so? I'd rather not eat 'til I hurl like you, Mikey."

Mikey stares pleadingly at Leo, seemingly asking him to fix this, but Leo doesn't know what to do, because now more than ever it's clear that he was right all along and something is definitely wrong with Raph. "Okay, that's it!" Leo slams his hands down onto the table. "What gives, Raph? You've hardly been eating since before we left the farm. You've lost weight, you're constantly fatigued, you're weaker, and you've been isolating yourself more than ever. What's going on with you?"

Raph sighs heavily and shifts uncomfortably. Leo sees his eyes dart to the door a couple of times, and Leo vows that if Raph makes even the slightest move towards the exit, he will tackle him. "It's nothing, Leo! Don't worry about it."

Leo is up and out of his seat, blocking the exit to the room before Raph even finishes his sentence. "I very much doubt that it's nothing. Come on, Raph, even Donnie ate more than you and Donnie doesn't eat more than anyone."

Raph looks as though he's ready to just bulldoze right through Leo to get out of the room, and Leo is honestly worried about having to deal with a charging Raphael until Donnie gets up and stands next to him, helping to barricade Raph's exit with his body. "He's right, Raph. Something's not right and I'm sorry I didn't notice it sooner, but you need to tell us what's going on with you."

Raph clutches at his head, seemingly in pain, and then growls. "I don't know, okay? I don't know what's wrong with me! I'm not hungry. Hell, most of the time, the very thought of food is enough to make me want to vomit. I'm tired, everything hurts, and, despite the fact that all I want to do is sleep, I can't, and when I do the nightmares are..." He trails off as though he's suddenly aware that he's been speaking out loud.

Leo glances over to Donnie, who looks exceedingly alarmed the more Raph talks. They both know better than to question Raph about his nightmares, so Leo chooses to ignore that little detail and instead focuses on Donnie. The expression on his genius brother's face is causing the knot that's abruptly formed in Leo's stomach to tighten immeasurably with each passing second. "What is it, Donnie?"

Donnie shakes his head. "I don't know." He turns back to Raph, who's still clutching at his head. "Hey, why don't we go to my lab? I'll do some tests and get you something for that headache, okay?"

Raph nods and quietly follows Donnie out of the room. Leo turns to Mikey, who looks as though he has just discovered that one of his brother's is dying. "It's okay, Mikey. Don will figure it out. He'll be okay."

Mikey shakes his head and Leo is fairly certain that he can see tears shining in his little brother's eyes. "But, but, he's sick. He's sick, Leo, and none of us noticed. He could be…"

Leo gathers Mikey into a hug and holds him close. "No, okay, no. He'll be fine. Don just needs to figure out what's wrong with him, and, if anyone can do it, Donnie can."

"We still didn't know. If it was one of us, Raph would have known something was wrong, but we didn't. I mean, I noticed all the same stuff you did, but I just thought Raph was still overdoing it, like at the farmhouse, ya know? Well, I guess you don't know, since you were unconscious for three months, but Raph...he took everything on himself. He was the one who kept us training and watched over you. He helped Donnie set up that lab in the barn, and…" Mikey trails off as he buries his head deeper into Leo's plastron.

Leo sighs heavily as he squeezes Mikey a little tighter. "I know, Mikey, I know. I saw how Raph helped you two with training, and, after seeing how far April has come, I kind of figured he had a hand in that too. He has been pushing himself too hard, which is why it took us all so long to notice, but it's going to be okay. We know now, so now we can do something about it."

Mikey shakes his head and his voice is muffled by Leo's plastron. "But what if we can't?"

Leo pulls away just enough to give Mikey the sternest expression that he can muster right now. "Don't say that, Mikey! You can't think like that right now…not you…not our ray of sunshine, okay? Your optimism is what keeps the rest of us going, so you've gotta stay positive for Raph's sake."

Mikey nods once before pulling out of the embrace with a watery smile. "You're right. Whatever's wrong with him, Raph's gonna need some good old fashioned Mikey cheer."

Leo gives a small grin in return. "Just don't do anything too over the top, okay? And no more cockroaches alive, dead, plastic, or any other kind, got it?"

Mikey nods and then salutes. "Turtle's honor." He turns to run off but stops for a second mid-stride. "Um Leo?"

Leo stares at him as calmly as he can muster while his insides feel like they're tying themselves into knots, but he can't let Mikey see how worried he is…not if he doesn't want Mikey to descend into despair. "Yeah, Mikey?"

"You'll let me know when Don knows something, right?"

"Of course," Leo nods before ushering Mikey out of the kitchen. "Now, go do whatever you were going to do. I'll put this stuff away." Leo gestures behind him towards the rest of the food and other random items Mikey left out.

Mikey gives him a watery smile as he starts to wander away. "Thanks bro, and one more thing." He stops dead in his tracks and turns to meet Leo's eyes dead on. "Don't put the strawberry bread away just yet. I wanna see if I can get Raph to eat a piece after Don's examination."

Leo can't keep the small grin off of his face at Mikey's endearing thought process. "You got it, Mikey."

He puts away dinner and finishes the dishes, knowing that it has taken him far longer than normal to finish such a simple task - even with all of the pots, pans, and bowls Mikey used - but Leo can't seem to focus…not when he's spending every second anxiously awaiting Donnie's diagnosis. He knows he needs a distraction, even though Leo also knows there's nothing in the world that could possibly take his mind off of the current situation. He wishes now more than ever that Master Splinter was here, but their master is, unfortunately, staying with April and her father until his injuries from their latest battle with The Shredder heals. The last thing they need right now is Master Splinter getting some kind of infection.

Leo sits in front of the television, not really watching whatever's on the screen, and trying desperately to remember all of his really well thought-out reasons for why he shouldn't just barge into Donatello's lab. Unfortunately, his mind keeps telling him that there are no good reasons when he's being faced with the possibility of a sick little brother. Still, he knows that his presence wouldn't help right now. Leo would just get in the way and most likely annoy both Donatello and Raphael. Not to mention, Leo is sure that Raph would detest his presence more than usual now.

Abruptly, Leo is torn away from his musings by the distinct sound of the lab door opening and closing. He glances over to see Raph walking away from the door. They make eye contact for merely a second before Raph practically runs to his room and shuts the door. Normally, Leo would have something mocking to say about needles or something, but not now…not when the fear he has kept silent about for so long has finally been brought to the forefront and is mocking him, whispering horrible possibilities, even now. He stands and slowly makes his way to Donatello's lab, breathing a heavy sigh, and desperately trying to find some semblance of calm before entering Donnie's domain.

He apprehensively moves his hand slowly towards the door handle, unsure if he's really ready to hear whatever Donnie has to say about what's wrong with their most cantankerous brother, and yet, knowing that this, among many other things, is his burden to bear. Leo inhales a large breath and holds it as he inches open the door. He slowly exhales as he makes his way across the threshold and prepares himself for the worst.

Donatello is poring over various documents on his computer screen and frantically glancing between the papers in his hands and the screen in front of him. Leo takes another large calming breath and stands a little straighter. "Find anything?"

"Nothing yet." Donnie's shaking his head and clutching the papers in his hands so tightly that Leo hopes that he has other, less crinkled and more legible, copies somewhere. After a long silent moment that feels like an eternity, the papers slip out of Donnie's suddenly laxed fingers and his brother turns to him with an expression of utter fear plastered on his face. "Leo, we have a problem."

Leo does his best not to immediately jump to conclusions about what could possibly be wrong with Raph, but, from Donnie's reaction, there aren't any good possibilities running through his mind. "What kind of problem?"

"I…I don't understand. How could this have happened?" Donnie's not looking at him anymore. Instead, he's got his head in his hands and he looks as though he's about two seconds away from falling apart completely. "I eradicated it. At least, I thought I eradicated it. I…I should have done regular testing like I wanted to, but you know how Raph is, and he seemed fine. I mean, yeah, I knew he wasn't eating as much and was losing weight, but we were all eating differently at the farmhouse, and even once we came back…well, nothing has really been the same, you know? We've basically had no down time. I haven't had time for regular testing, even if Raph would have allowed it, and…"

Leo immediately grabs Donnie by the shoulders and shakes him a little to stop his rambling. "Donnie, what are you talking about? What's going on?"

Donnie sighs heavily as Leo lets him go. "Do you remember when the creep infected Raph, turning him into that plant thing?" At Leo's nod, Donnie continues. "Well, apparently sucking the mutagen out of the creep and back into Raph killed off most of the infection."

Leo folds his arms over his chest, not liking that particular wording. "What do you mean by most?"

"Just what the word implies, Leo. I thought it killed off all of the infection, but apparently it didn't. There must have been trace amounts lying dormant in Raph's system. If I had kept up with regular testing beyond what I did that night, maybe…maybe I would have caught this sooner, but I didn't." Donnie abruptly turns away from him, seemingly unable to meet Leo's eyes.

"Well, why didn't you?" Leo's voice comes out gruff and angry. He knows it's unfair to put this on Donnie, but Leo hasn't been able to get the incident with The Creep out of his mind ever since he found himself sitting in the barn, waiting all night to find out if Donnie could save their brother or not.

Donnie glances up at him, almost pleadingly. "Life has been crazy, Leo. We've been fighting almost nonstop, getting Raph to submit to treatment when it's obvious something is wrong is hard enough, and I didn't think this could happen. I never would have suspected this was even a possibility. Mikey's shell acne never returned. I had no reason to believe this could happen."

Leo doesn't know what to say. He thought they were done dealing with The Creep and everything else that they dealt with while they were staying at the farmhouse the moment they returned to New York City. To discover that, not only has Raph been suffering from what The Creep did to him all of this time, but that none of them even bothered to notice makes Leo wish he had refused to allow Raph to leave by himself to go get firewood that night.

It's a useless thought and a meaningless one now, but it's there all the same, and there's nothing Leo can do about it. He just wishes he had been able to protect his brothers back then, but he couldn't. Yes, he managed to help them take down The Creep, but even that seems insignificant in the face of this new development. "So, what's going to happen to Raph? Is he going to eventually de-mutate into that plant thing again?"

Donnie shrugs. "It's a distinct possibility, but I honestly don't know, Leo. I'll have to do more tests, and, even then, I have no real way of knowing what's going to happen to him. In fact, it's just as likely that Raph could de-mutate completely."

Leo's eyes widen in realization as he shakes his head incredulously and backs away from his brother. "Wait, you don't mean that Raph could eventually de-mutate into a normal turtle, do you?"

Donnie nods as he clutches his hands together. Leo recognizes it as one of the ways Donnie tries to calm himself, but doesn't mention it. He figures they should both be utilizing their calming techniques right now. "Like I said, it's a distinct possibility."

Leo honestly can't believe what he's hearing right now. There's a part of him that wants to deny what Donnie is telling him, but Leo knows better than to give into that piece of himself. This is the problem and, no matter what he's thinking or feeling, they have to deal with it. "Okay, so how do we fix this?"

Donnie shakes his head again. "Honestly, Leo, I wouldn't even know where to begin. I mean, if Raph is just de-mutating into that plant thing again, then, theoretically, a more concentrated dose of a similar antidote should help stop, if not reverse, the effects completely. However, if he's de-mutating completely, I truly have no idea how to stop that. Not to mention, if he does de-mutate completely, then I don't think we can do anything. I mean, we still don't completely understand how the mutagen works. I very much doubt that dousing a normal-turtle-Raphael in mutagen would yield the same results that it did all those years ago when we were originally mutated. I mean, you saw what it did to Spike, so it only makes sense that a de-mutated Raphael plus mutagen would equal…well, not our Raph."

Leo's head feels like it's spinning, and the more Donnie talks, the worse it gets. It's bad enough imagining Raph reverting back into that plant thing and having no real solution to the problem, but the idea of Raph reverting back into a normal turtle hurts in a way that Leo can't describe. He thinks that it might actually be a fate worse than death. After all, Leo knows what Raph would choose, if given the option.

He can't think about the possibility of having his brother with him, but not as his brother without feeling as if his heart is being put through a shredder. If it was a choice between that and death, and the decision was left up to him, Leo honestly isn't sure which he'd choose. "We…we shouldn't get ahead of ourselves." It's the only thing that Leo can manage to say and it comes out strained and desperate.

Donnie glances up at him and whatever he sees makes his eyes soften as he nods. "Yeah, of course. Besides, there currently aren't any signs that he's going to fully de-mutate. If anything, the behavioral changes he's been exhibiting point to plant mutant regression."

Leo's brow furrows in confusion. "What behavioral changes?"

Donnie rolls his eyes, but continues in the soft, gentle tone he's been using since he realized how much this is affecting Leo. "We all noticed that Raph has been acting nicer lately and he's been far less sarcastic when helping out and stuff. We all just thought he was consciously trying to control his rage, but, when we mentioned it earlier, he seemed genuinely confused. I'm starting to think that the behavior changes weren't conscious decisions at all and are instead symptoms of what's happening to him."

Leo's eyes widen at the implication, hoping that this might somehow turn out to be good news. "Okay, and is it possible that the behavioral changes are indicative of other changes happening within him? I mean, I know you and Mikey said that Raph was very affectionate as that plant creature. You claimed that he was almost dog like, but is there anyway his current behavior could be reminiscent of…" Leo trails off, unable to speak the words out loud. It shouldn't be so hard. It's just a theory, but it's one that terrifies him.

"Of a normal turtle?" Donnie finishes for him. At Leo's nod, Donnie shrugs. "It's possible. Look, I still have to find out what exactly is happening to Raphael on a cellular level before I can even attempt to decipher what's actually happening to him and figure out some sort of treatment."

Leo swallows thickly before clearing his throat. "Well, then, that brings us to the hardest part of all of this."

Donnie's eyes narrow in confusion. "What's that?"

"Figuring out how and what exactly we're going to tell Raph."

Donnie squirms uncomfortably, and Leo does his best not to cringe as well. This is definitely going to be equally as difficult as actually finding a cure for Raph. "Well, we technically don't have to tell him anything until I know exactly what's happening to him and how it's going to affect him."

Leo shakes his head. He can't stand the idea of keeping this from Raph, mostly because Leo isn't actually sure that he could if he wanted to. After all, he's never been particularly talented at lying to his family. "No, Raph deserves to know what we know. He also deserves to know why he has been feeling so terrible, even if we don't have all of the answers yet. He wouldn't want it any other way."

Donnie nods in understanding. They both know that Raph would never want to be left out, especially when it's something involving him. Leo just hopes that Raph doesn't crumble under the weight they're about to place upon his shoulders. "Okay, so who's going to tell him and, more importantly, what are we going to tell him?"

Leo sighs heavily. He's already forcing one little brother to suffer a heavy burden. He wouldn't be able to live with himself if he let it become two, especially since this is, by all rights, his responsibility. After all, it doesn't matter if it's what Raph prefers, Leo still hates himself for not being able to protect him from this in the first place. "I'll do it. I'll tell Raph, and I'll figure out how to do so later, but that means you have to tell Mikey."

Donnie shakes his head. "No, there's no reason to tell Mikey about any of this. He'll just be…"

Leo slashes a hand through the air, effectively cutting Donnie off. "No, we're not leaving Mikey out of this. I know you want to protect him. I do too, but we can't. He already knows that something is wrong. It would be cruel to leave him out. You don't have to tell him all of your theories or anything, but he needs to know what's going on. Besides, I think Raph is going to need all of us after I tell him."

Donnie sighs heavily and nods in agreement. "You're right. I just don't like the idea of Mikey worrying all of the time. I mean, who knows how long it'll take me to figure out a way to reverse this?"

Leo nods in understanding. He would gladly avoid telling their younger brother about this as well, if he could, but Leo knows better. They can't hide from the truth and it's better to just face it head on, like they always have with everything else. "I know, but Mikey is going to worry just as much, if not more-so, if we don't tell him."

Donnie slumps back into his chair. "I know." There's a long pause before Donnie abruptly sits up again. "So, does that mean we're telling Master Splinter as well?"

Leo takes a moment to mull it over. If anyone deserves to know about all of this, it's their father, but he's still healing. The last thing Leo wants to do is risk jeopardizing Master Splinter's recovery, even if he does feel as though their father is needed now more than ever. Leo leans against Donnie's desk as he rubs the tension out of his neck. "I think we should leave that decision up to Raph. As much as I believe Master Splinter needs to be told about what's going on with Raphael, I don't think any of us want to risk calling him back too soon. We all know what being in the sewers will do to his still open wounds. However, if Raph needs or wants him here, I won't hesitate to call."

Donnie nods once more. "That sounds reasonable." He slowly rises from his chair and gestures to the door. "Shall we go, then? This is starting to look like it's going to be a long night for both of us."

Leo nods and gestures for Donnie to lead the way. He intends to use what little extra time letting Donnie go first will lend him to figure out exactly what he's going to say to Raph. At this point, Leo almost wishes that he didn't know his brothers so well and wasn't so observant. If he wasn't, then he never would have noticed Raph's condition, and he wouldn't be dragging his feet on his way to confront Raph about what he knows now. Except, Leo knows that that isn't true at all, because, if anything, he wishes he had spoken up sooner. Maybe then things wouldn't seem so dire now. He breathes a heavy sigh as he makes his way to Raphael's door, hoping that his little brother is somehow prepared for what he has to say, and yet, knowing that there's no possible way for any of them to be ready for this.

The End (for now)


	2. Chapter 2

Leo knocks on Raph's door and waits anxiously for him to open it. A part of him just wants to get this over with and another part wants to do anything he can to avoid this entire conversation. It takes longer than Leo really thinks it should for Raph to open the door. Although, Leo recognizes he probably only feels that way due to the apprehension he's currently feeling. When Raph finally opens the door, Leo honestly isn't sure what he's expecting, but the exasperated sigh that slips through Raph's lips before he moves to block the doorway isn't really on his top ten list. "What do ya want, Fearless?"

Leo clears his throat and steels himself for the worst. "Don figured out what's wrong…at least, somewhat, and…"

"And you volunteered to be the one to tell me?" At Leo's nod, Raph backs away from the door and gestures for Leo to come in. "From the look on your face, I'm guessing it's pretty bad."

Leo plops down on Raph's bed and does his best not to nervously wring his hands together. "He doesn't know everything yet, and he'll need to do more tests, and it might be a while before he figures it all out, but…yeah, it's not good."

Raph sighs again as he takes up a seat on the floor, shell leaning against his bed. "Am I dying?"

Leo shakes his head frantically as he scoots closer to Raph. The very idea of Raph dying makes Leo's heart jump into his throat. "No, Don didn't say anything about this resulting in death."

Raph nods once before tilting his head back to stare up at his brother. "But it's still bad enough to have you panicking, so what's going on?"

Leo takes a deep breath, and then tells Raph everything that he discussed with Donnie in the lab. He decides not to leave anything out, knowing that all of this information might be too much for his little brother to take in all at once, and yet, also knowing that he deserves to know everything. When he finishes, Leo just sits a waits for Raph to process everything. It's a long moment before Raph responds, and when he does his voice sounds hollow. "How long until Donnie figures out what I'll de-mutate into?"

Leo doesn't have an answer for him, although, he wishes that he did. "I don't know. Like I said, he'll need to do more tests and what not. He said something about figuring out what's happening on a cellular level, which probably means a lot of blood tests, scale collection, and muscle - and other tissue - biopsies." Leo only knows that much because he heard Donnie muttering about it as they left the lab earlier.

Raph nods dejectedly. "Know when he wants to start?"

Leo shakes his head, and then cringes at what he has to say next. "I sent him to tell Mikey about what's going on."

Raph lowers his head, so that Leo can't see his face anymore. "That's…good, I guess. Mikey deserves to know and Don's probably the best one to do it."

Leo can't stand the empty tone of his brother's voice. Raph should be angry and throwing things, complaining about the unfairness of it all as he rages. This subdued version of his brother is heartbreaking. Leo places a hand on Raph's shoulder. "We're gonna figure this out, Raph. One way or another, we're going to fix this."

Raph shrugs off his hand as he gets to his feet. "Yeah, guess, I better go see if Donnie's ready for those samples now."

Leo is sure that that's going to be the end of the discussion, but before Raph leaves the room he turns back around to face Leo. His expression is almost pained and Leo just wants so badly to protect his brother from everything, even though Leo knows that there's nothing he can do. "I need ya to promise me something, Leo."

Leo's eyes widen at the sudden request, but he immediately nods his head in agreement. "Sure, anything you need."

Raph abruptly squares his shoulders and stands a little taller. "If I de-mutate completely, just take me out to the farmhouse and set me free. I don't need to be a burden on you guys and a sewer really isn't the place for a non-mutant turtle, anyway, right?"

Leo immediately starts to shake his head. He's about to outright refuse, but something about his brother's expression stops him. Still, Leo doesn't think he could ever agree to that. "You wouldn't be a burden, and, even if you de-mutated completely, we'd still try to find some way to change you back."

Raph glares at him. "And it would be a waste of your time. I'm not that bright, but even I know splashing some mutagen on me after I de-mutate isn't gonna work. Do ya remember what happened to Spike?" Raph's eyes suddenly drop to his hands, which are clenched in front of him. "I…I don't want to be a monster, Leo. I don't want to end up hurting you guys. Just let me go and let that be the end of it."

"Raph, I…"

Raph's gaze shoots back up to his own. "Stop it, Leo. Will ya do it or not?"

"Okay." The simple word is out of his mouth before Leo even registers that he's said something. He wants so desperately to take it back, but the sudden relief overtaking Raph's entire form leaves Leo unable to say or do anything else. He understands why Raph wouldn't want to risk it, but there's no guarantee that he would end up like Slash. However, Leo knows that's an even smaller chance that Raph would return to his former self, if he did fully de-mutate.

Raph breathes out a heavy relieved sigh. "Thanks, and, uh, don't tell the others about this, okay? There's no reason to worry 'em more than they already are."

Leo nods again. He's not entirely sure he would have told the other two, even if Raph hadn't sworn him to secrecy. He figures the less they think about the possibility of Raph fully de-mutating, the better. "Um, Raph, there's one more thing before you go."

Raph instantly tenses all over, evidently preparing for more bad news. Although, Leo isn't sure he could possibly heap any more ghastly news on his little brother's shoulders, even if he had to. "What is it?"

Leo holds up his hands in a mollifying gesture. "I, uh, just wanted to know if you wanted me to contact Master Splinter and let him know what's going on."

Raph doesn't even hesitate to think about it before he's shaking his head. "No, in fact, don't tell Casey or April, either."

Leo's eyes narrow at that. He understands why Raph wouldn't want to tell April if he doesn't want Master Splinter to know yet, since she'd have to keep it from him, but there's no reason for Raph to keep this from his best friend. "Is there some reason you don't want to tell them?"

"It's none of their business, Leo. It's mine and it should be my choice whether to tell them or not, and I don't want to, so…"

Before Raph can go into a full on rant, Leo holds up his hand to stop him. "Okay, okay, we won't tell them, but, if you change your mind, we can always call them."

Raph glares as though he doesn't believe that Leo will really keep this from their friends and father. "I won't change my mind."

Leo doesn't understand why Raph is so adamant about this, but he simply nods his head. "Alright, if you're sure…"

Raph huffs out a breath as he walks out of the room. "Yeah, I'm sure."

Leo silently follows Raph out of the room. He expected his conversation with Raph to be far more difficult, but it's hardly a relief. Leo knows that Raph probably hasn't actually processed or dealt with everything he told him yet, and worse, Raph's reaction is probably being influenced by the behavioral changes that Donnie mentioned earlier. Raph and Leo find both Donnie and Mikey in the kitchen munching on the too sweet chocolate strawberry bread that Mikey made earlier. Leo can tell from their bloodshot eyes that they've both been crying, but they both do an admirable job of trying to hide it when they spot Raph.

Mikey practically bounces over to Raph with a piece of the strawberry bread on a plate for him. "There you are!" He gives Raph a big smile, even though they can all see that it's rather forced. "Wanna try some? I did make it for you, after all." Mikey gives Raph his big puppy eyes, which are only more effective with the shine from his previously shed tears.

Raph doesn't stand a chance and he seems to know it. He takes the plate from Mikey without uttering a single word, and then sits down at the table. The others do their best not to stare as Raph takes a small bite, but none of them really succeed. It doesn't take long for Raph to notice all of the eyes on him, but instead of growling out of annoyance as he normally would, he simply swallows down as much of the bread as he can stomach. "This is really good, Mikey."

Mikey beams at the compliment, but his face falls when he sees Raph push the half eaten piece of bread away. "You're full again?"

Raph nods. "Sorry, Mikey."

Mikey shakes his head as he gives Raph a big hug. "Don't be sorry, bro. It's okay. I'm glad you liked it."

Raph puts up with Mikey's embrace a lot longer than Leo thought he would, but he still ends up eventually pushing their younger brother away. Mikey doesn't seem the least bit phased by it. Leo wonders how long it's going to take Raph to work up his courage to ask Donnie about the tests he wants to run, but figures he'll give his brother all the time that he needs. However, it isn't long before Raph clears his throat and stares directly at Don. "Heard you wanted to run some more tests. Should we go do that now?"

Donnie blinks a few times, seemingly caught off guard by the question. "Oh, um, sure, if you want. I mean, it can wait a bit, if you don't feel like being poked and prodded right now."

Raph shakes his head as he gets to his feet. "Nah, the sooner, the better, right?"

Donnie nods as he follows Raph out of the room. "Right." He makes sure to catch Leo's eye on his way out. It's obvious that his brother is looking for some kind of reassurance that Raph's willingness to subject to tests is a good thing, but Leo honestly doesn't know if it is or not. Sure, the tests might help them find a solution, but Raph's seemingly absent personality has Leo extremely worried.

Still, he musters an encouraging smile for Don and then turns towards Mikey, who's currently sitting at the table drawing patterns through the crumbs on his plate with a finger. "Hey, Mikey, why don't we put the rest of the bread away, and then play a few rounds of that new game you got?"

Mikey shakes his head as he passes Leo a piece of the bread that he apparently already had portioned out for him. "Not until you have a piece, too. Trust me; it's a great comfort food."

Leo isn't a huge fan of the bread. It really is too sweet, in his opinion, but he doesn't have it in him to deny his little brother such a simple request…not now when everything seems so dire. "Sure, Mikey, and maybe later on tonight you can convince Raph to eat the rest of his. We'll let him take a nap after all of Donnie's poking and prodding, and then we can see if he'll join us for a movie night."

Mikey perks up slightly at the suggestion. "I could make popcorn and put M&Ms in it the way Raph likes it."

Leo smiles at the way Mikey thinks and nods. "Yeah, I bet he'd like that."

Mikey seems happy as he starts thinking about their impromptu movie night, but abruptly his face falls. "What if he doesn't feel up to it?"

Leo shrugs as he swallows down a large bite of the chocolate strawberry bread. "If he's too tired, we'll let him rest while the rest of us watch movies, but I've got a feeling Raph will enjoy the distraction. He might just need a little coaxing from a certain younger brother."

"Can do, and don't worry, Leo. I won't go overboard. Promise!" Mikey gets up and starts putting the bread away and cleaning up as Leo finishes his piece.

"Go ahead and set up the game, okay? I'm just going to check in on Raph and Don really quickly." Leo has every intention of practically running out of the kitchen and straight past the TV, but he's almost immediately halted by Mikey's voice.

"Okay, but, um, Leo?" Mikey's voice comes out tiny and unsure.

Leo's never heard their most exuberant brother sound so timid before. It feels wrong, but Leo tries to ignore it. "Yeah?"

"What about Master Splinter? Shouldn't we tell him what's going on?"

Leo shakes his head. He wants nothing more than to inform their father about Raph's condition, but he said that he would let Raph decide. Leo refuses to go back on that, especially since Master Splinter is still healing and there's still so much they don't know yet. "Raph doesn't want to tell him."

Mikey's eyes widen at the news, before shifting towards Donnie's lab. He looks as though he wants to immediately run in there. "Why not? He knows father will still love him, right?"

Leo doesn't know what to say. He has no idea why Raph refuses to tell anyone outside of his brothers. However, since Raph didn't really have a choice in that, Leo wonders if Raph would have kept this completely to himself, if he had had the option. Still, there's something about Mikey's question that is bothering Leo. "Why would he question if Master Splinter still loves him?"

Mikey shrugs. "It's Raph." He says it as if the answer is obvious, but it still doesn't make any sense to Leo.

"What does that have to do with anything? Since when does Raph question Master Splinter's love for us?"

Mikey rolls his eyes as though Leo is being purposefully obtuse. "Raph doesn't question Master Splinter's love for us, bro. Raph questions Master Splinter's love for him."

Leo's eyes widen at Mikey's accusation. He doesn't believe it for a second. There's no reason for any of them to ever question Master Splinter's love. They're his sons. "What? Why? Since when?"

Mikey shrugs as he shifts from one foot to the other and back again, seemingly nervous about this entire conversation. "I dunno…since always, dude. It's just kinda always how Raphie's been, ya know? He's always so afraid that he'll do…something, and Master Splinter will stop loving him…well, really, that we'll all stop loving him, but he really should know better than that by now."

Leo still doesn't want to believe it, but he knows that Mikey wouldn't be saying all of this if it wasn't true. Mikey's always been the most emotionally perceptive, and Leo knows better than to ignore Mikey's insight. "Yeah, he should, but what's that have to do with this? How could he possibly think that this could make any of us stop loving him?"

Mikey shrugs again. "Dunno, dude, maybe he thinks he failed or something, like he should have been able to avoid all of this from the start or something. Raph likes to act like things like this don't bother him, but they do, bro, like a lot. Maybe he thinks that he's not good enough anymore, since this happened to him. You know how Raph prides himself on being able to fight anything, but he can't fight this, Leo. Maybe he's worried that if he de-mutates, then there won't be anything left to love, because there won't be anything left of himself, ya know?"

Leo thinks he understands what Mikey is getting at, and he wishes that he didn't, because it hurts too much to think about. Raph has enough going on without the constant self-loathing and self-doubt that Mikey's theories lead him to believe Raph is suffering through. He never considered that any of his brothers questioned unconditional love, but Leo guesses that it's not actually surprising to discover that, out of all of them, Raph's the one who does. "We'll get him to see reason, Mikey. Don't worry."

Mikey shakes his head as the two of them walk out into the main room. "It'll only start a fight, Leo. Raph doesn't like talking about how he really feels. I think it hurts him too much. Besides, he more a turtle of action…go with that."

Leo silently watches as Mikey sets up the game as he considers everything his little brother has said. There's a lot that he's never realized about Raph before, but suddenly a lot of their fights are beginning to make sense. Leo feels like an utter moron for taking this long to finally start to understand his most tenacious brother, but he vows that he's going to do everything he can to help Raph through all of this and make him understand that his family's love isn't, and never has been, conditional.

The End (for now)


	3. Chapter 3

Leo enters the lab, only to see Donnie shoving a rather long needle into Raph's thigh muscle. He cringes at how much that must hurt, but Raph endures it with nothing more than a silent grimace. Leo waits by the door until Donnie is done, not wishing to disturb either of them. Once Donnie finishes cleaning the injection site and turns back towards his desk, Leo moves to stand beside Raph, not touching him, but close enough that he could if he thinks Raph needs a hand to hold or something. "So, how's it going?"

Raph just shrugs as Donnie grabs another, even longer, needle. "Donnie still isn't done taking samples and I already feel like a pin cushion."

Donnie gives Raph a long once over, seemingly looking for the best place to inject him this time. Leo wishes that he had waited until they were finished to enter the lab, but he knows that Raph probably needs the support, even though he won't admit it. "This is actually the last one that I'm going to take today. It's a bone biopsy, so, needless to say, this is going to hurt. I'm just not entirely sure where I want to take it from. I don't want to use the same area that I took the muscle biopsy from, but I also don't want you to be sore all over."

Raph rolls his eyes as he gestures to his other leg as well as the opposite arm. "It's not like there aren't plenty of other places, Don. Just pick one."

Donnie nods once, before settling on Raph's lower left arm. He pulls out an alcohol wipe and swaps a large area before grabbing the needle again. "Remember you're going to need to make sure all of the injection sites remain clean, and…"

Raph rolls his eyes as he braces himself for the insertion of the needle. "I get it. We live in a sewer and they are all open wounds. Blah, blah, blah, now, move on."

Leo can't help but huff out a breath of laughter, despite everything. Raph is hardly the only one Donnie likes to constantly badger with well known information. However, the moment of mirth completely evaporates when Raph tenses all over and grabs Leo's hand as Don slides the needle further into his forearm. Leo doesn't say a word when Raph's grip tightens painfully. Instead, he merely returns the gesture, albeit far more gently than his brother.

It seems like an eternity before Donnie removes the needle from Raph's arm, but once he does and finishes cleaning the new wound, Raph is free to go. Normally, Raph would practically jump off of the metal table they use for medical examinations and race out of the room after being released. Now, however, Raph slowly slides off of the metal table, with Leo's help, and gradually moves towards the door. "You should get some rest, you look pretty beat."

Raph merely nods as he leaves, not even bothering to verbally respond. Leo waits until he's sure that Raph's out of ear shot before turning back towards Donnie. "How long until you know something?"

Donnie sighs heavily and rubs his eyes as he slumps in his chair. "It's gonna take some time to analyze all of the different samples I took, and, even then…I might not learn anything of import, Leo."

Leo does his best to stand tall as he moves to Donnie's side, even though all he wants to do is crumble. Still, all of his brothers need him to be strong right now, especially Raph. "How long are we talking here, Don?"

Donnie just shrugs as he spins his chair around to face Leo. "The different samples require different tests. Not to mention, I'm the only one who's able to analyze the results, and that's even assuming I understand what I'm looking at, given we've never encountered anything like this before. All of which means various time scales across the board. Some will hopefully only take a few hours to finish; others will take days or even weeks, and that's assuming I forgo breaks and sleep."

Leo shakes his head as he lays a hand on Donnie's shoulder. "You can't do that, Don. We all want to do whatever we can to help Raph as quickly as possible, but forgoing sleep or even breaks when you need them isn't going to help anyone. You can't afford to exhaust yourself completely. Think about how that would make Raph feel, knowing that you're wearing yourself out for him. Not to mention, we probably shouldn't do anything to stress him out more than he already is, so if I even so much as think you're overdoing it, I will put you on timed lab sessions."

Donnie nods his head once before giving Leo, what appears to be, the best reassuring smile he can muster. "I'll try to remember that, Leo, but you know how it is when I'm working on something this important."

Leo lets his hand fall away from Don's shoulder after one final encouraging squeeze. "I know, but remember, while Mikey and I can't necessarily help you with the science side of all of this, we are here for emotional support any time you need it."

Donnie huffs out a breath. "Shouldn't you be saying that to Raph?"

Leo shakes his head as he gathers Donnie into a hug, although he's not entirely sure for whose benefit. "Raph isn't the only one who needs to hear it."

Donnie returns the hug but before long he pulls away. "Well, I should get back to work before your mother hen tendencies kick in full force. Also, you should go check on Mikey. He's been alone for quite some time and I'm worried about him."

Leo nods, knowing that Donnie is right. Mikey probably shouldn't be alone right now. Hell, as far as Leo's concerned, he doesn't really believe any of his little brothers should be left alone right now, but he can't deny that Raph really does need some sleep and Donnie needs time to himself, not just to run tests, but to process everything that's going on as well. As for Leo, he would love some time to meditate and find some way to deal with all of this, but he knows now isn't the time. Someone needs to be there for Mikey to make sure he doesn't fall into despair, and that's not something either of his other brothers can really handle right now, and nor should they. It is, as it always has been, his responsibility, after all.

Leo leaves the lab and just stares in utter shock at what has become of the area surrounding the TV. He doesn't know how long he was in the lab talking to Donnie, but he's reasonably sure that it wasn't enough time for anyone to make such a mess, even if he did leave Mikey unattended for some time. Leo doesn't have it in him to yell at his little brother about the mess, because Leo knows the signs. This isn't just the actions of a rambunctious Michelangelo, running around the lair, knocking things over as he goes. This is the actions of a Michelangelo too scattered brained from too much worry to focus on anything, and leaving disaster in his wake.

Leo searches the area for his little brother, knowing that when Mikey gets this bad it can be dangerous. He usually ends up hurting himself when he's in this kind of chaotic state. It's not Mikey's fault, of course. He just isn't able to focus enough to realize things are falling, or precariously perched, or that he's doing something that most likely will end in a concussion. Leo finds his little brother practically covered in games with various other items scattered around him, staring at his hands, seemingly lost in thought. "You okay?" Leo pulls his younger brother to his feet, while simultaneously giving him a once over, looking for any injuries. He breathes a small sigh of relief when he finds none.

Mikey nods once before noticing the mess around him. "Oh man, Leo. I'm sorry. I didn't mean to…" Mikey trails off as he gestures widely to the room in general, but the pause only lasts for a second. After that Mikey starts talking a mile a minute and his eyes keep dashing all over the place. He looks as though it's physically painful to be standing still…well, as still as Mikey ever is. "I was just looking for a game, but then I realized you don't like to play most of the games I do, and then I thought about just finding something for us to watch, but then I realized that might wake Raph, and so I was looking for…"

Leo cuts Mikey off by grabbing a hold of his shoulders and forces his little brother to just focus on him. "It's okay, Mikey. How about we work together to clean up the room, and then I'll just pick a game. Does that sound good?"

Mikey nods again as the two of them start cleaning up the room. Leo makes sure to keep an eye on him, directing him every time he seems to get overwhelmed or distracted. It takes longer for the two of them to finish cleaning than if Leo had just done it himself, but he knows that Mikey needs the structure and activity right now. Once they finish, Leo grabs the first game off the top of the pile and they start playing. It turns out to be Mario Kart, which is a good thing. Playing a game that Mikey tends to be quite competitive at should keep his younger brother's mind off of everything else, at least for a little while.

At first, Mikey is still too distracted to focus on the game, but after his third loss in a row Leo can tell that he's starting to calm down and his competitive nature is starting to rear its head. By the fifth race, Mikey's attention has completely shifted to the game, and from there every lap is a hard fought battle. They're on the final lap of the final race of the final cup, when Raph emerges from his room, and Leo is so surprised that his brother bothered to leave the confines of his solitude that he drops his controller. Mikey's victory dance and subsequent gloating is abruptly cut short when he glances over toward Leo, and notices that he's not paying attention to him. Leo can feel Mikey's eyes drift away from him, following his brother's gaze to their other, still exhausted, sibling.

Mikey smiles as brightly as he can, given the circumstances. "Hey, bro, how ya feelin'?"

Raph shrugs as he slowly makes his way towards them and gently lowers himself down beside them. "Still sore from all of Donnie's tests."

Mikey nods as he gets to his feet. "You feel like eating something? Leo and I were thinking about having a movie night tonight. I could get you your unfinished strawberry bread, and then make M&M popcorn."

Leo can tell from Raph's posture that the very thought of food isn't a very pleasant one, but he still nods his head in assent, most likely for Mikey's benefit. Neither Raph nor Leo like it when Mikey worries, and not just because of his frenzied outbursts - such as the disaster he created earlier. They both see themselves as the protectors of the family, and Leo knows Raph believes that includes their brothers' emotional states, just like he does. "Sounds good, Mikey."

The words are barely out of Raph's mouth before Mikey dashes out of the room towards the kitchen, and Leo can't help but chuckle at Mikey's enthusiasm. Leo's just pleased that, while Mikey seems have made Raph eating his new personal mission, Mikey hasn't tried to feed Raph anything questionable yet. "You know, I think he really enjoys any form of cooking he can do. I just wish we enjoyed eating his more creative connections as much as he enjoys making them."

Raph shrugs and Leo can tell that the arm that Donnie took the bone biopsy from is bothering him slightly. "Not sure how much he enjoys making it as opposed to eating it, but, either way; I think he just likes having something to keep him busy. You know how he is…even at the best of times."

The melancholy tone to Raph's voice has Leo on edge, but it's not as though he can do anything about it, so instead Leo focuses on something that he can do. "Do you want an icepack? It might help with the pain."

Raph shrugs, seemingly unsure if he actually believes the icepack will do anything. At this point, Leo honestly just wants a chance to actually be useful, and he's fairly certain that Raph has picked up on that. "Sure. Can't get any worse, right?"

Leo doesn't mention that it is, indeed, possible for things to get worse, and instead, calmly walks away to get the icepack. Mikey's in the kitchen grabbing a random assortment of items from all over the place, and Leo worries for a moment that their video game session might not have had as great as an effect on his little brother as he had hoped. "You okay, Mikey?"

Mikey nods as he practically dances around Leo to grab four cups and plates, while Leo greets Ice Cream Kitty and grabs the icepack. "I figured Raph is probably thirsty, too, and I didn't want him to feel uncomfortable about 'special' treatment and all that, so I decided to get snacks for everyone. You think we can convince Don to leave the lab yet?"

Leo nods as he shuts the freezer door. "Yeah, I bet I can coax him out."

Mikey shakes his head as he throws a packet of popcorn in the microwave and turns it on. "You already threatened to limit his lab time, didn't you?"

Leo shrugs as he starts to gather some of the stuff Mikey has collected for their movie night. "I wouldn't say I threatened him, Mikey. It was more of a gentle reminder."

Mikey moves past him to grab a large bowl for the popcorn. "Uh huh, and did this 'gentle reminder' involve your 'Leader' face?"

Leo stares at Mikey as though he's speaking another language. "Well, I am the leader and it is my face, so…"

Mikey shakes his head again as he spins around and shoves some more items into Leo's already full hands. "You know what I mean, bro. You get all stern and scary."

Leo can't help but chuckle as he rolls his eyes. "Fine, there may have been a 'leader face'."

"I knew it!" Mikey practically jumps up and down before shoving Leo towards the door. "Now go put that stuff in the other room and get Donnie. We don't want the popcorn to get cold."

Leo shifts a little to get a better hold on everything, and then starts to make his way out of the kitchen. "Fine, but don't forget the…"

"M&Ms!" Mikey interrupts excitedly as he dashes to the other side of the kitchen. "I'm on it!"

Leo flinches but chooses to ignore whatever caused the crashing noise behind him. After all, he can always have Mikey clean it up later. He drops everything in his arms in front of Raph and hands him the icepack. Raph is slow to take it, which has Leo worried. He knows Raph is tired and sore, but he's not entirely sure that Raph should be moving so stiffly. He's never seen his brother so weak before and it terrifies Leo in a way he never anticipated. He helps Raph settle into a comfortable position, with a large glass of water, and then goes to get Donnie.

When Leo enters the lab, Donnie is in the same position he was hours ago, sitting in front of his computer and staring at the screen. Leo honestly isn't even sure if Donnie is reading anything on the screen. He just looks so lost. Leo goes over and places a hand on his brother's shoulder. "What's going on?"

Donnie shakes his head as if to clear it before giving Leo his full attention, and Leo immediately braces himself for the worst. Donnie only ever gives someone his full attention if he doesn't have anything else going on - which almost never happens - or when he has to deliver bad news. "Raph's white blood cell count is normal."

Leo's eyes narrow in confusion. "Isn't that a good thing?"

Donnie shakes his head. "When we originally fought The Creep and I had to treat Raph, I treated this like an infection, and so did his body. His white blood cell count should be higher than normal."

Leo can't help but swallow reflexively a few times, his throat suddenly feeling extremely dry. "Meaning?"

Donnie sighs heavily as he clutches his head in his hands. "Meaning that Raph's body isn't attacking the infection, because it doesn't see this as an infection. It's possible that it's because his actual genes are mutating, as opposed to there being mutated genes replicating in his body."

Leo tries to stay calm and figure out what exactly Donnie is talking about, but this really isn't his area of expertise. "What are you saying, Donnie?"

Donnie takes another shuddering breath before meeting Leo's eyes. "Look, I'm not certain of anything yet, and there are still a lot of tests I'm running, but…but you have to understand something here, Leo. I…I might not be able to fix this."

Leo frantically shakes his head, unwilling to accept such a thing. "What do you mean, Donnie?"

"Leo, listen to me. Even if Raph is de-mutating back into that plant thing again and not a regular turtle, I might not be able do anything."

Leo clutches his hands into fists and attempts to keep his voice down. "What do we do, then? Raph can't just live his life as a plant!"

Donnie slumps further into his chair, seemingly lost. "I don't know, Leo. I really don't know."

Leo takes a deep breath and desperately tries to relax himself. It takes him longer than he wants to admit to calm down. "Okay, so you technically don't know anything right now, right?" At Donnie's nod, Leo continues. "Then we're going to keep this quiet for right now. Raph doesn't need the added stress and Mikey doesn't need to fall into despair. We're going to go watch a movie, and have a nice relaxing night, and when you know more then, and only then, will we inform Raph of any of this. Okay?"

Donnie nods as he gets to his feet. "Just give me a few moments to compose myself, and then I'll be out."

It's then that Leo notices his hands are trembling. He shakes them out and stands tall. He makes his way towards the door, desperately trying to hide any evidence of how deeply Donatello's doubt has affected him. He takes another large steadying breath, before opening the door, and leaving Donnie to get himself under control.

He walks over and plops himself down right beside Raph. "Did you two finish your normal argument over the movie selection yet?"

Mikey shakes his head as he bites his bottom lip, looking more concerned than ever. "Raph said he doesn't care as long as it doesn't have subtitles and there's no singing, so, of course, all Disney movies are out, which basically means no animated films for us tonight."

Leo does his best to appear relaxed as he joins in on the conversation. "Well, there's always _Finding Nemo_."

Mikey immediately perks up as he begins searching for it, but Raph merely shakes his head. "There's that whole 'just keep swimming' song and all the songs that the manta ray sings."

Leo rolls his eyes as he gently nudges his brother. "Oh, come on, Raph. Those hardly count."

Raph grumbles as Donnie comes out of his lab and sits down in front of them. "Did you guys settle on a movie yet?"

Leo glances over at Raph and smirks, hoping that, for once, his little brother can't see right through him. "I don't know. Have we?"

Raph rolls his eyes as he shifts to get more comfortable. "Fine, whatever, just play the stupid movie and hand me the popcorn."

Mikey absolutely beams at Raph's demand for the popcorn as he settles in right next to Donnie. The movie starts to play and Leo does his best to focus solely on the screen and let everything else drift away for a while, but he finds it rather difficult to ignore the knot forming in his stomach. Still, he steals the popcorn from Raph halfway through the movie and is rather pleased to find at least a third of it gone. Sure, it's not as much as he normally would eat, but it's more than Leo anticipated he would. When the movie ends, Mikey gets up and immediately starts another one, and Raph doesn't even bother to grumble about the fact that it's _The Little Mermaid,_ despite his previous objections to anything with singing in it _._

Donnie chuckles, however, as he takes a sip of his drink. "Apparently we're having a sea themed night."

Leo smiles as Raph grabs the popcorn off of him again and starts absentmindedly searching for the M&Ms. "I don't mind."

Raph nods as he chews on a green M&M. "Better than Mikey's sing-a-long nights." He suddenly glares at Mikey and throws a handful of popcorn at him. "And no, that is not a suggestion, Mikey."

Mikey turns around and pouts at Raph for a second before his expression shifts into a large grin. "Aw, come on, Raphie. We can duet _Poor Unfortunate Souls._ "

Raph grimaces as he shakes his head, and Leo can tell that the movement hurt him, though Raph is acting as though he's fine. "No!"

Raph gathers up another fistful of popcorn and throws it at Mikey, but Mikey catches most of it in his mouth. "Thanks, dude, I was feeling kind of hungry."

Raph rolls his eyes again as he nudges Mikey with his foot. "Just shut up and watch the movie ya goofball."

Mikey settles down and they all fall silent once again. Leo spends the entire rest of the movie trying to imagine doing things like this without Raph, but he can't. Every time he thinks about it there's an aching in his chest and all he sees is an empty seat and hollowed out faces. They have to find a way to save their brother, because the alternative is something Leo is absolutely positive none of them can endure.

The End (for now)


	4. Chapter 4

It's been a week, and Raph has steadily been getting worse. Leo doesn't know what to do other than let his brother rest as much as he needs and encourage him to eat when he's awake. He's even thinner now, even with Mikey almost constantly trying to entice him with his various favorite foods. He's also weaker. Now that he doesn't even have the energy to train like he used to, it's only more apparent how much muscle mass Raph's lost. Donnie still hasn't made any headway in his search for a cure - or even a definitive answer as to what's happening to their brother - and with each passing day a growing hopelessness and despair descends upon the lair. Leo doesn't know what to do and he desperately wants to call his father. However, he refuses to go against Raph's wishes, especially since he equally doesn't want to do anything to compromise Master Splinter's recovery.

Still, Leo can't seem to find anything to abate his worry. He does his best to keep busy and distract himself while Raph is sleeping, but he can't really focus enough to meditate and any other kind of distraction is fleeting. The moment his brother awakens, it becomes exponentially harder to keep his concern at bay. However, Leo knows he has to shove all of his negative feelings away for his brothers. He knows that seeing exactly how troubled he is will only make Donnie feel as though he needs to work harder, which is just plain ridiculous, because his brother is working as hard as he possibly can. Not to mention, if they see how badly this is affecting him, then Mikey will worry even more, and Raph will feel even worse about this whole thing than he already does.

Leo sighs heavily to himself as he makes another cup of tea. It won't calm him any…it never does anymore, but it gives him something to do and something to hold onto. He feels like everything is spinning out of control and he doesn't know how to stop it. His thoughts are abruptly interrupted when he feels something bump into his shell and turns around to find Mikey holding up a rather large sheet of what appears to be canvas. Leo isn't sure if he should be more worried about where the canvas came from and what Mikey intends to do with it or the fact that at some point Mikey came into the kitchen carrying said canvas and Leo didn't even notice. "What are you doing?"

Mikey grins up at him, but the smile doesn't really reach his eyes. Leo raises an eyebrow ridge and patiently waits for an answer. After a long moment, Mikey rubs the back of his head self-consciously and starts fidgeting. "Well, Raph has been spending an awful lot of time in his room lately. I know his walls are covered in posters and stuff, but everything in there is rather dark and gloomy, so I was thinking that I would paint him something a little more cheery and colorful. But then I thought that he might not like it, so I figured I would just hang it near the turnstiles, but then I realized that it might encourage him to leave the lair. So then, I thought I would put it by his training dummy, but then I figured that it might remind him of training, and, since he can't do that anymore, that might upset him. So, I considered putting it in here, but it probably will just be in the way, and…and I think this a stupid idea, so I'll just go back to my room now."

Leo grabs a hold of Mikey's arm before he can dash out of the room. "I don't think it's a stupid idea. In fact, I think Raph would really like one of your paintings in his room. So, what did you paint?"

Mikey turns over the canvas and holds it up in front of Leo. Mikey always has been extremely talented in regards to drawing and painting, and Leo smiles, knowing that his little brother's artistic abilities have only grown over time. The picture depicts the whole family, Splinter included, out in forest with the sun shining high in the sky over the trees and a stream cutting across the background. "It's really great, Mikey. You even added in the farmhouse in the distance there."

Mikey beams at the praise. "Yeah, bro, I was going to add some wildlife, but I didn't want to clutter it, ya know?"

Leo nods and he starts walking Mikey out of the room. "Well, come on, let's go see if Raph is awake and you can show it to him."

Mikey glances up at him uncertainly, but keeping pace with him, all the same. "Do you think he'll like it?" 

Leo smiles reassuringly as he rubs Mikey's head affectionately. "You know, Raph. He'll pretend like he doesn't, but the first question of out his mouth will be where are you putting it, and then he'll tell you exactly where you should put it."

Mikey grins brightly as they make their way towards Raph's room. "Yeah, he will."

When they open the door, Raph is just starting to sit up, clearly still exhausted. "Hey, do you mind if we come in? Mikey brought something for you?"

Raph groans as he sits up all of the way and places a hand over his stomach. "I hope it's not food."

Mikey shakes his head. "No…not yet, bro." He holds up the painting to show his brother. "I brought you this."

Raph stares at it for a moment before giving them both a small grin. "Where exactly do you plan to put that, Mikey?"

Mikey shrugs as he glances around the room, and then smirks evilly. "Well, we could always cover up some of your posters."

Raph glares at the suggestion, but there's still a smile on his face as he shakes his head at his little brother's antics. "Or you could put it on the door."

Mikey's grin couldn't possibly get any bigger as he nods his head vigorously. "Seriously? 'Cause I'll go get the tape right now."

Raph merely shrugs as he leans back against his wall. "Sure, why not?" 

Raph doesn't get a chance to say another word as Mikey bolts out of the room, painting still in hand, laughing the whole way. "Well, I think it's safe to say that you made his day."

Raph chuckles at Leo as he moves his pillow behind him into a more comfortable position. "It's a nice painting. Make sure you remind him of that later."

Leo's eyes narrow in confusion, uncertain of what Raph is referring to. "What do you mean?"

"It's getting worse, Leo. Whatever's happening to me…it's getting worse." He stares down at his hands for a long moment, clenching them tightly and releasing them over and over as though the motion is painful. "I know Donnie is working himself to death, but I'm starting to think there's no cure for this."

Leo goes over and sits on the bed next to his brother. He can feel tears glistening in his eyes, but he refuses to let them fall. He has to be strong in the face of Raph's doubt, but Leo doesn't know how. He's never known Raph to give up on anything, especially himself. "Come on, don't say that. We'll figure this out. We always do."

Raph shakes his head before giving Leo a pointed look. "You have to promise me you won't let this break them. Whatever's happening to me…whatever I'm turning into…it can't change them. It can't change _you_." 

Leo shuts his eyes and sighs heavily. "I can't promise that, Raph, because it already is changing us. If we can't reverse this…if we can't find a way to fix this, then I don't know what we'll do."

Raph nudges him as hard as he can, which admittedly isn't very hard at all, but it draws Leo's attention towards him, all the same. Raph turns to glare at him directly. "You'll do what you always do, Leonardo. You'll lead them."

Leo can feel the tears building again, but this time he can't stop them from falling. "Four becoming three changes things, Raph."

Before either one of them can say anything else, the door flings open and Mikey is standing there with a giant roll of tape in one hand and the painting in the other. Leo subtly swipes an arm across his face as his little brother sets to work tacking up the picture. "Sorry it took so long, bros, but Donnie is apparently hording all of the tape again."

"I was not hoarding it. I needed it for a project." Donnie's voice sounds from just outside the door and Leo takes a deep calming breath. The last thing he needs right now is for Donnie to see how much of a mess he is right now. After all, the genius isn't nearly as easily distracted as Mikey.

Mikey holds the door open just enough for Donnie to enter, and then returns to the process of taping up his painting. "That doesn't explain why you have so many rolls of it, D."

Donnie huffs out an annoyed breath as he watches Mikey work. "They're all for different things, Mikey. Also, I need that one back and soon."

"Yeah, yeah," Mikey waves his hand dismissively as he places a large amount of tape at the corners of the painting. "You can have it back when I'm done."

Donnie rolls his eyes as he folds his arms over his chest. "You don't need to use so much of it."

"I can't risk this masterpiece falling down. Now, can I, D?"

Leo glances over at Raph who seems to be enjoying their bickering, but he looks as if he's going to lean over and fall back to sleep any minute now. He wants to make sure that Raph at least attempts to eat something, and spends some time outside of his room, so he figures now is as good a time as any to interrupt the other two. "So, Mikey, did you have anything planned for lunch?"

Mikey immediately perks up, tosses the roll of tape to Donnie - who easily catches it - and then rubs his hands together mischievously. "Actually, I do."

Raph groans again and looks as though eating is the last thing on his mind, but Leo figures there are worse things they could be doing to him right now. "You just had to remind him."

Leo nods as he slides off the bed. "Yeah, now come on. We'll eat lunch in front of the TV. I think it's your turn to pick the movie."

Raph rolls his eyes as he gets to his feet. "It's always my turn now."

Leo tries not to sigh again. Raph didn't want them to change anything. He wanted to be treated the same as always, but he had to know that it wasn't going to happen. Everything has changed…they've changed, and the only thing any of them know how to do right now is provide what little comfort they can. Surely, Raph knows that. Still, Leo's aware that perhaps his brother needs even a token fight right now. "Well, we can always let Mikey pick, if you're so against it." He does his best to grin playfully, but he doesn't really feel like teasing right now, especially after their previously interrupted conversation.

Raph, for his part, groans and gestures for them all to make their way out of his room. "Fine, but I don't want to hear any whining about my pick."

Leo's pretty sure he only says it, because it's part of their normal banter. After all, there hasn't been a single complaint about Raph's movie choices since this whole thing started. Leo isn't exactly sure how to respond. Under normal circumstances, he's sure he would have something witty to say, but right now he comes up blank. However, Leo's not the only one with the power of speech. "If you don't want us to mock it, then don't pick something so boring this time." Mikey chimes in as he makes his way to the kitchen. Leo can't help but smile as he sees the look of contentment on Raph's face. At least one of them knows how to keep the bickering going.

Raph half-heartedly grumbles something about little brothers and poor attention spans as Mikey disappears into the kitchen. The rest of them settle into comfortable positions in front of the TV as they wait for him to return with whatever food he's decided to entice Raph with today. It isn't long, however, before Leo catches Donnie glancing over at his lab longingly. If he has a test or some project going on in there that could somehow help Raph, then Leo doesn't want to keep him away from it, but he knows his brother well enough to know that, whether he does or not, Donnie needs a break.

"Hey, Donnie?" At the sound of his name, Don's attention immediately swivels from his lab door to Leo's eyes. "Do you mind going and helping Mikey in the kitchen. I don't want him attempting to carry the food and drinks at the same time again."

Donnie nods and slinks out of the room. Leo doesn't really know how he's going to keep the genius's attention on something other than whatever he's got going on in his lab once the movie starts, but for right now Leo is hoping for out of sight out of mind…even if he knows better. Still, Mikey tends to have a knack for knowing when someone needs a distraction, so Leo figures those two can help each other out right now.

He turns his attention towards Raph and considers finishing their earlier conversation, but the last thing he wants to do right now is have a fight with his ailing brother, so instead Leo nudges him gently. "So, what are we watching today?"

Raph glances over at the stack of old VHS tapes and points at one of the ones on the bottom. "Xena's fine by me."

Leo's eyes narrow at that, but he gets up to put in the first tape anyway. "Xena? Really?"

He sees Raph shrug out of the corner of his eye. "Sure, the music doesn't hurt my head and it's entertaining enough. Besides warrior princess, what more does a guy need?"

"Right you are, brother of mine." Mikey laughs as he practically bounces into the room holding a plate piled high with what smells like mozzarella grilled cheese sandwiches, which is about as close as Raph can get to pizza right now.

The four of them settle down with sandwiches and drinks as the first episode plays. Leo does his best to focus on the screen and not on his brothers, but it's hard when his mind seems consumed with worry for all of them. If they notice his eyes on them, none of them say anything, which he guesses is a good thing. They're halfway through the second episode when Leo notices that Raph has eaten half of one sandwich and stopped. It makes him heave a despondent sigh, but at least Raph is trying to eat. Leo has been spending the majority of his time lately reminding himself that it's better than nothing.

A quarter of the way through the fifth episode and Leo notices that Raph is listing to the side and looks as though he's going to fall asleep again. However, before his exhausted brother can return to unconsciousness once more, all four of them are startled by the sudden distinctive sound of someone clearing his throat. All of their eyes fall to the lone figure standing by the turnstiles, and Leo's stomach drops at the expression on his father's face. He never really considered what he was going to tell Master Splinter when he finally returned home to see one of his sons in such a dismal state. Now he wishes he had.

"My sons, what's wrong with Raphael?"

The question is directed to no one and everyone at the same time. Leo swallows thickly, unsure of how to tell their father that he could very well be losing a son…just not to death. He glances over at Donnie, hoping that his brother will be able to explain everything to Master Splinter in that calm collected way that he always explains everything medical, but Donnie has his eyes downcast towards the floor and looks as though he's about to shake apart at any minute.

Leo takes a deep calming breath before glancing over at his other little brothers. Mikey is as still and quiet as Leo has ever seen him, looking like a deer trapped in headlights. It's almost startling to see his most hyperactive brother so motionless. Then Leo's eyes land on Raph, who is sitting as stiff as ever and just staring up at their father hopelessly. He knows that Raph didn't want Master Splinter to know about his condition, but Leo figured Raph realized that this was inevitable. Apparently, Raph hadn't planned for this moment anymore than Leo had.

Leo watches as Raph's mouth begins to move but no words come out. He shifts slightly so that Raph has more breathing room, not wanting to make his brother feel more discomfort than he already is by feeling closed in. Raph's mouth is still moving without sound and he's starting to look rather panicked when his eyes suddenly roll to the back of his head and he slumps unceremoniously back in his seat. The next thing Leo knows his brother's body starts to seize, and he scrambles to lay Raph down on his side.

Donnie is instantly beside him talking him through what to do. "Don't try to hold him down and don't restrain him, but keep him on his side in case he vomits." Leo has no idea how Donnie can sound so calm right now, but he's grateful for it all the same.

There's a small whimper somewhere off to the side and Leo can hear the obvious fear in Mikey's voice. "Donnie, what's happening to him?"

Donnie glances over at Mikey, but whatever silent conversation passes between them is beyond Leo. His focus is solely on his still seizing brother in front of him. He's desperately trying not to hold Raph with too much pressure, but it's difficult to keep his brother on his side while his whole body is still spasming. When the convulsions finally subside, Donnie all but orders Leo to help him move Raph to the lab, but before Leo can get his arms around his brother a clawed hand lands on his shoulder and gently tugs him away. "I will carry him, Leonardo. Stay with Michelangelo."

Leo wants to protest, but one glance at the expression on his father's face as he lifts Raph into his arms and cradles him close to his chest has the words dying in Leo's throat. He can't possibly keep Master Splinter away from his son…not after that, and Leo doesn't want to try. He does, however, want to be in the lab, helping whatever way he can, but he knows that he would just be in the way, so instead of barging in, Leo grabs Mikey by the wrist and drags him into a hug as they slump down onto the beanbag on the floor.

Mikey immediately starts crying, clutching at Leo tightly and mumbling questions. "Will Raphie be okay? What's going to happen to him? Will he recover?"

Leo doesn't know what to say. He doesn't have any of those answers right now and he knows better than to give his little brother false assurances. He's silent for a long moment, rocking his little brother back and forth in an attempt to comfort them both. "Donnie will do his best." It's the only thing that he can think of to say, and Leo knows it isn't nearly good enough.

Mikey, for his part, doesn't say anything. Instead, he just places his head down on Leo's plastron and continues to cry. It feels like hours have passed when Mikey's sobs taper off to soft snores. Leo doesn't want to risk waking him, so he just simply stays put, holding his sleeping brother. His legs are numb and his arms are starting to fall asleep too, but Leo doesn't care. He continues to hold his brother until he hears the lab door slowly open. He glances up to see Master Splinter step out, eyes obviously red and the fur under his eyes damp. Leo doesn't say anything at first. A large part of him needs to know what's going on, but another part of him just wants to stay in blissful ignorance for a few more moments, before his world comes crashing down around him more than it already has.

Master Splinter's eyes fall upon him and all Leo can see is immeasurable amounts of pain throughout his father's visage. It makes Leo's heart tighten as his breath catches in his throat. His father comes over and kneels in front of him, and, for some unknown reason, it makes Leo grasp onto Mikey even tighter. Master Splinter places his clawed hand on top of Leo's head and strokes his skull gently. "I will take Michelangelo to bed, and then we shall speak."

Leo nods and reluctantly passes his brother to his father. He stays seated on the beanbag and slowly tries to work feeling back into his limbs as he awaits his father's return. Long before Leo feels ready to speak, Master Splinter is beside him once more. Leo heaves a large breath and holds it for a moment before releasing it slowly, preparing himself for the worst. "You wished to speak to me, father."

Master Splinter nods gravely as he sits in front of his son. "Donatello explained to me what he believes is happening to your brother. What he did not explain is why I was not informed about this a week ago when you four discovered what was happening to him."

Leo can hear the obvious demand to know why he wasn't informed even without the words being spoken, but he finds himself at a loss for words. He can certainly understand why his father would be angry and upset about being left out of the loop, but how could they tell him when they could barely handle knowing themselves. "Raph didn't want you to know. He didn't want to interfere with your recovery and I didn't want to pressure him when it was so obvious he wasn't well, especially when Mikey mentioned that Raph was worried that you wouldn't view him the same way."

Master Splinter raises an eyebrow as he strokes his long beard. "Why would I view him any differently?"

Leo shrugs as he sighs heavily. "I don't know why, but Raph apparently believes that he'll eventually do something to cause you to stop loving him. Mikey seems to believe that, in Raph's mind, this qualifies somehow."

Leo watches as Master Splinter's ears flatten against his head and his gaze falls to the floor. "I see." Leo's glad that someone does, because he still doesn't understand any of this. After a long moment, Master Splinter places a hand on his shoulder. "I appreciate that you were trying to protect your brother as well as myself, but I would have preferred if one of you had called me the moment you realized Raphael was unwell."

Leo nods in understanding. It's not as though he didn't think that from the start. "I know, but I couldn't go against Raph's wishes…not when…" Leo lets the sentence trail off, unable to speak the words. Master Splinter seems to understand what he means anyway, because the next thing Leo knows he's being pulled into a rather tight embrace. He instantly reciprocates as he clings to his father's robe, wanting nothing more than to hide away from all of the terrible possibilities laid before them.

It feels like an eternity has passed when the lab door opens again and Donnie shuffles his way out into the open. Leo glances up to see his brother seemingly in shock, hands shaking and eyes darting around the room. He immediately gets to his feet and rushes to his brother before Donnie can collapse. "Don, what's going on?"

"He…he de-mutated." The words come out as a low sob.

Leo honestly can't believe his ears. How could Raph have de-mutated already? It's only been….well, Leo doesn't know how long it's been, but it doesn't feel like it's been enough time for a full transformation to have happened. It takes all of his willpower to swallow down his own emotions and ask the one question that he almost doesn't want an answer to. "De-mutated into what exactly?"

Donnie makes a keening sound as he clings to his big brother. "A normal turtle."

The words crush Leo's heart. It's over. There's nothing that they can do. They can't fix this. Raph is gone and they're never going to be able to get him back. Leo doesn't realize that his legs have given out on him until his knees hit the hard, unforgiving cement floor and a hurt, broken wail is wrenched from his throat. Tears cloud his vision and fall freely down his face, but Leo doesn't care. He can feel Master Splinter's arms wrap around him from behind, but it's meaningless. He's lost a brother. There is no comfort for this. The grief overwhelms him and Leo doesn't know how any of them are going to move past this. This is worse than death. After all, death would have been more dignified…for all of them.

The End (for now)


	5. Chapter 5

Leo sighs heavily. He's been having this argument with Donnie for what seems like hours now and it isn't getting them anywhere. He doesn't understand why his most logical brother is suddenly acting so much like Raph. The thought pains him more than Leo ever thought possible; because he didn't think he'd ever long to argue with his most temperamental brother again, but here he is now. He's keenly aware of the fact that, in addition to never squabbling again, they'll never bump fists again, nor spar, nor ever hug again.

Leo shakes his head, and desperately tries to push the thought away as he returns his attention to the disagreement that he's currently facing. "You said it yourself, Donnie. Now that Raph has fully de-mutated into a normal turtle, we can't just dump mutagen on him and expect our brother to return to us, so what are we supposed to do? Raph made me promise that, if this happened; we would take him to the farmhouse and let him be free. I think, in light of everything, we can do the one thing our brother wanted."

Donnie glares at him harshly, hands practically shaking with how tightly he has them clenched. "You know as well as I do how self-sacrificing Raph is. Of course, that was his plan, but that doesn't make it right! We can't just abandon him. We have to keep trying. We have to find a way to fix this! I thought you would understand that. When have you ever given up on anything, Leo? As far as I can remember, the answer is never, so why are you giving up now?"

Leo hangs his head. He wasn't anticipating that his family would take any of this well, but he never thought that Donnie would be the brother he had to convince that this isn't just the right choice, but it's the only one they've got. "We're not abandoning him. We're doing as he requested. You know Raphael as well as I do, he never liked being trapped down here and he certainly wouldn't like it anymore now. He has a chance to be free and we…we can't do anything for him, Donnie. You know this." Leo bites his tongue after that, gravely trying to keep the tears at bay. He doesn't have time for another break down right now…not in the face of Donnie's opposition, and the fact that he still hasn't broken the news to Mikey yet - who's still sleeping.

Donnie shakes his head, staring at Leo as though he doesn't recognize him. "This is wrong, Leo! You have to know that. If the roles were reversed Raph would never just let one of us go so easily. He'd do whatever it took to find a way to reverse this. He wouldn't just give up!"

Leo heaves a large breath and lets it out slowly. "Raph was always stubborn, Donnie, but we're not facing something that stubbornness can mend. We're facing the impossible. You said it yourself."

Donnie releases his clenched fists, but he doesn't appear any less enraged. "Yes, I admit that I told you that I don't know how to fix this or even if I can fix this, but I also remember telling you that I would try. I just don't understand why you won't give me that chance, Leo."

Leo suddenly throws his hands in the air out of frustration. He just doesn't understand why Donnie can't see what he sees. It's just not like him to miss something so obvious. Although, Leo knows that that's not entirely true. Donnie has always had a bad habit of missing what's right in front of him. "And we do what with Raph in the meantime? Treat him like a pet? He'd hate that. He'd hate that more than anything and you know it! He can't roam the lair freely in his condition, which means one of us would have to watch him at all times, and he'd hate that, too. He didn't want to be a burden, Donnie." The last words are spoken barely above a whisper, but they sound deafening in the silent room.

Donnie's eyes narrow as his entire body stiffens. His posture is so reminiscent of Raphael that Leo almost forgets who he's quarrelling with. "So, you think that Raph is a burden now? Gee, Leo, some brother you are."

Leo shakes his head vehemently. He thinks he should be used to his little brothers twisting his words by now, but it still catches him off-guard with startling frequency. "What? No! Of course not! I'm just trying to do what Raph asked of me."

Donnie turns away from him, seemingly unable to meet his eyes. "I guess there really is a first time for everything, then."

"What?" Leo feels like he's taken a physical blow. He honestly can't believe his ears. He doesn't understand why Donnie would say something like that. "What does that mean?"

"He was your rival in all things, Leo, and now he's not. You've finally won. You don't have anyone to challenge you anymore." Donnie still has his back to Leo and his voice is strained and bitter, but the shock Leo feels is slowly melting away into fury.

Leo swallows down the grief and agony he feels and stands tall, unwilling to let such an accusation go unanswered. "How dare you, Donatello! I love all of my little brothers…Raph included. That's why I'm trying so hard to fulfill his last request. This is what he wanted, Donnie."

Donnie abruptly spins around and pushes Leo away from him. "He's not dead, Leo!"

The force Donnie uses is more than Leo anticipated, but he still only stumbles a step before finding his footing once more. "I know that!"

"Then why are you speaking like he is." Donnie's breathing heavily, looking as if he desperately wishes he had his bo staff right now.

Leo's shoulders sag again. He feels like he's suddenly a thousand times heavier, and all he really wants to do is to end this entire discussion, and lock himself away in his room for a while. "Because, for all intents and purposes, he's gone, Donnie, and there's nothing we can do about it. He's _gone_ and I can't fix that and neither can you. We can't bring him back. Don't you see, Donnie? The brother we knew _is_ dead, and all I can do is fulfill the last wish he had, so yes, Donnie, I am going to fight you on this, because this…this is the only thing that I can do."

"Just give me a chance, Leo. That's all that I'm asking for." Donnie gives him the most pleading expression that Leo has ever seen from his most intellectual brother.

It makes him wish that he could just give in. Maybe if the situation was any different, he would, but it's not, and Leo can't just ignore everything simply for Donnie's sake. "For how long, Donnie? How long am I supposed to allow you to wither away in your lab trying to find a solution that doesn't exist? How long am I supposed to facilitate and propagate false hope? How long am I supposed to standby while this whole family lives in limbo while you desperately search for something that can't be found? And more importantly, how long am I supposed to deny Raph the one thing that he wanted just to satisfy your need to attempt to repair everything? When are you going to learn that some things can't be fixed, Donnie?"

Donnie folds his arms over his chest and glares. "And when are you going to realize that the one thing we've always excelled at is not relenting. Do you think you'd be standing here right now if Raph, Mikey, and I just gave up while you were comatose for those three months? Do you really think we weren't uncertain that you would wake up or that you would fully recover? We spent those whole three months doubting, but we pushed through it, and do you know why? Because Raph insisted that no matter what we would not give up on you. How could we do any less for him now?"

Leo glances way, unable to meet his brother's eyes as he tries to calm himself down. "It's not the same, Donnie."

"How…how is it not the same, Leo?" Donnie sounds desperate and wounded, which is the last thing that Leo wants, but he should have known from the very beginning that this is where this fight would eventually lead.

"Because there was a chance, Donnie…a chance that I would wake up, and a chance that I would still be me afterwards. That chance doesn't exist here. You know that as well as I do." Leo takes a moment to fully compose himself before meeting his brother's gaze once more. "You know that, even if we find a way to reverse this, Raph wouldn't be the same anymore. He wouldn't be our Raph, and I just…can't, Donnie. I can't make that choice…none of us can."

Donnie's eyes narrow as he takes a step closer towards his brother. "Why the hell not, Leo. We don't even know…"

"We can't, Donnie!" Leo doesn't mean to yell, but he's beyond frustrated now. He takes a deep calming breath before continuing in a softer tone. "Is it fair of us, Donnie? Is it fair of us to re-mutate Raph when the possibility exists that he could become something that he would absolutely despise? Is it fair of us to risk Raph's freedom and life for something so selfish? Is it fair of us to go against Raph's wishes just because living without him is unbearable? Do you really think that that's what Raph would want? Because I certainly don't."

Donnie merely stares at him, seemingly shocked and uncertain of what to say, at least that is until they are both pushed aside by a rather formidable force. "That's enough, both of you!"

The two of them stare in bewilderment at Mikey before Leo's expression shifts to utterly dismayed. "Mikey, I'm sorry. We didn't mean to wake you."

Mikey makes a show of rolling his eyes before glaring at both of them. "Yeah, well, you could have fooled me with all of the yelling."

They both simultaneously tense before staring at their brother rather ruefully and abashedly at the obvious chiding. "I truly am sorry, Mikey. You didn't deserve to be awoken that way, and we certainly shouldn't be acting this way, especially not when Raph is…" Leo trails off at the sudden realization that Mikey still doesn't know about what happened to Raph. His stomach drops at the thought of having to tell his little brother that Raph is…well, no longer Raph. He glances over towards Donnie for some form of help - even if it's merely just emotional support - but Donnie looks just as downtrodden and lost as Leo feels. "Now that Raph is…is…" Leo desperately tries to force the words out, but he just can't. An image of Raph trying a failing to form words right before he had that seizure flashes through his mind. The next thing Leo knows there are strong arms wrapped around him.

"It's okay, bro. I know…I know what happened to Raph. It was a little hard to miss with all of the yelling, but that doesn't matter right now. You don't have to say anything. It's okay. We'll figure this out. Just breathe with me. In and out, come on, you can do it. In and out, nice and slow…yeah, that's it." Leo listens to Mikey's soothing voice and follows his instructions, unaware that he's shaking until he feels Mikey gently coax him towards the beanbag on the floor and his feet tremble beneath him.

Mikey sits down next to him and Leo does his best to get himself under control. He should be the one comforting Mikey right now…not the other way around. He pushes down the feeling of failure and just breathes. When Leo finally feels like he can look his younger brothers in their faces again without wanting to simply drive one of his katanas through his plastron for his stunning lack of composure, he gets back to his feet. He takes a deep breath, and then gives them both the strictest leader expression that he can muster. "We should probably start packing. Raph wanted us to take him to the farmhouse and…"

"Yeah, we're not gonna do that." Mikey cuts him off as he stands as well.

Leo glares sternly as he folds his arms over his plastron. "Mikey…"

Mikey makes a sharp gesture through the air, effectively ending whatever protest Leo was about to make. "No, Leo. When it comes to missions, and topside, and all that other stuff, you're our leader, dude, but this? This is family stuff and no one leads here…well, except for Master Splinter, but, seeing as how he's still in his room, I'm thinking he's leaving this decision up to us. Unless, of course, we make the wrong one, and then he'll be out here 'all sneaky ninja like' to correct us."

Leo can tell that if he doesn't get him back on track soon, then this is quickly going to devolve into one of Mikey's more disjointed rambling sessions. Fortunately for Leo, Mikey still responds to some of his leader expressions. He narrows his eyes and stares directly at Mikey for a good long moment before speaking. "Mikey…"

Mikey shakes his head as he seems to find his way back to his original point. "Sorry about that. Anyway, my point is, we're a family. You don't get to lead us here and Don's right. We have to try. It's what Raph would do. I know you're just trying to do what you think is right and what Raphie wanted you to. The thing is, Raph can be really stupid sometimes, and, while he would never give up on one of us, he never really put a lot of faith in himself. Unless, of course, it involved his muscles, which this doesn't. So no, we're not going to do what Raph wanted…at least, not yet."

Leo raises an eye ridge as he stares at his younger brother a little mystified and a lot impressed. "Okay, Mikey, so what's your plan?"

Mikey glares at him, seemingly disbelieving that Leo's willing to listen to him. It makes Leo's heart ache and he vows to make more of an effort to take Mikey seriously more often. "Well, when Donnie first told me about Raph's…condition; he mentioned something about possibly being able to reverse engineer a cure if he knew what Raph would eventually de-mutate into. Well, he certainly knows now."

Leo shakes his head. He doubts that Raph de-mutating completely has somehow improved their chances of saving him. "Yeah, but Donnie also said that he didn't think he could fix this once Raph completely de-mutated."

Donnie has the decency to turn away from them, though Leo hardly meant to attack his insecurities. However, Leo can tell that his genius brother is finally starting to listen to him, but before Leo can start to make his case once more Mikey interrupts again. "So what?" Mikey screams as he throws his hands up in the air out of frustration. "Donnie says that about nearly everything when he feels like he's in over his head or he's overwhelmed, yet he always manages to pull through. What harm will it do to give him a chance, Leo? We can wait at least a couple of weeks before we decide to just release our brother into the wild to fend for himself. Don't ya think?"

Donnie perks up at Mikey's suggestion as he nods enthusiastically in agreement. Leo sighs heavily and as he concedes. After all, he knows when he's beat. "Fine, but we have to work out some kind of schedule for watching Raph. I don't want him roaming the lair freely and I won't have anyone treating him like a pet. Got it?" They both eagerly nod in consent before Leo continues. "However, I'm only giving you a month. I won't ignore Raph's wishes any longer than that."

Donnie's eyes widen at the condition. "A month? Leo, are you crazy? I don't even know where to start. It could take me weeks just to create something to test."

Leo folds his arms over his plastron once again and stares down his suddenly stubborn brother. "Again Donatello, how long am I supposed to put everything on hold? I won't break my promise to Raph…I can't, and I can't just wait forever."

"I don't think asking you for a more reasonable deadline is the same thing as asking you to break your promise, Leo." Donnie all but growls at him, suddenly just as defensive as he was when their altercation first started, which has Leo gearing up for a continuation of their fight as well.

In fact, Leo is just about to launch back into their previous dispute when Mikey gets between them again. "Why don't we just let Master Splinter decide when we should head to the farmhouse?"

"That's an excellent solution, Michelangelo." They all turn as one to look at their sensei. Leo can see how this is all weighing so heavily on their master, making him appear far more aged than the last time he saw his father. "I suggest we wait until we've exhausted all of our other options."

"Hai, Sensei." All three of them speak simultaneously as they bow. Leo bites his tongue and refrains from mentioning that he feels as though they have already exhausted all of their other options. His father has given him his orders and Leo will obey them as always. However, he finds ignoring the part of himself that truly believes that this is all just delaying the inevitable nearly impossible. Still, Leo vows to remain strong and resolute. After all, it's all that he can do in the face of everything that's happening right now. He only hopes that Raph understands that he tried to be a good brother. He tried to do what was asked of him. He tried to fulfill his promise, and he hasn't given up, either. One way or another, Leo will fulfill the promise he made to his brother, even if the rest of his family hates him for it.

The End (for now)


	6. Chapter 6

It's been two weeks since Raph de-mutated, and two things are abundantly clear. One, after an incident where Mikey lost the non-mutant turtle and he ended up nearly chomping down on an electrical cord, Mikey is never allowed to watch the de-mutated turtle and cook at the same time again. Two, Leo misses his little brother immeasurably.

In a mere two weeks, Leo has learned that without Raph's constant challenges, training isn't nearly as engaging or fun. The lack of his sarcastic brother's snarky comments during movies and TV shows leaves an uncomfortable silence that even Mikey has trouble filling, but the worst part of it all is the empty spaces where his brother used to dwell. Leo knew Raph's bedroom was going to be an obvious painful reminder that his brother is no longer his brother, but there are other vacant spots throughout the lair that Leo wasn't prepared for, like his spot in the dojo, or the beanbag chair in front of the TV. It seems as though no matter what Leo does he can't escape the fact that his brother isn't really around anymore.

He sighs heavily as he grabs Red's lunch and heads to his room. He can't refer to the de-mutated turtle sitting on his bed by his brother's name. It doesn't feel right, and besides, the non-mutant turtle isn't his brother, no matter what the other two say.

The little turtle stares up at him with beady little black eyes, void of any knowledge of who's feeding him, as he chews on a spinach leaf. The eyes are unnerving, both due to how blank they are as well as the color. Leo never really thought much about Raph's eyes before, but now he misses the expressive vibrant green that used to glare at him during their arguments.

Suddenly, a bug goes skittering by, but before Leo can catch it and release it outside of the lair, Red snaps his beak around it and swallows it. Leo shudders as he hands Red a strawberry. How the other two could possibly see Red as their brother is beyond him. Leo can't imagine Raph ever getting that close to a bug without sweating and screaming…not to mention, eating one, no matter his form.

Leo sighs again as he watches the little non-mutant turtle eat. He may not be his brother anymore, but Leo still owes him an apology. "I know I promised that I wouldn't let this happen and I'm sorry I failed, but this is temporary. I promise." Leo scoffs at himself. "Yeah, I'm sure a promise from me really means a lot to you right now, huh? I did try, though. I hope you know that, and I'm still trying." They all are, even if it feels like they're all on opposite sides right now.

Leo pets Red's shell as the non-mutant turtle continues eating the bits of fruit, spinach leaves, and worms Leo placed in a bowl for him. If this was truly still his brother, there's no way that he would be able to get this close without one of them being injured. Raph never did like physical contact, but Red seems to soak it up. In fact, Red has been known to nudge their hands in order to encourage petting and shell scrubs. Every time Red does it, Leo obliges, even though it makes his chest constrict and assures him that their brother is gone.

Suddenly, there's a knock on his door. Leo doesn't feel comfortable leaving Red on his own, even if he's distracted by food, so he gathers him into his arms, ignoring the repeated attempts to escape and return to the food, as he goes to answer the door. He opens it to see Donnie standing there, looking rather impatient. As soon as he notices Leo, Donnie smiles and gestures for him to hand over Red, but Leo isn't entirely certain that he should do so. "I figured it out! I can reverse it."

Leo just blinks owlishly as Donnie grabs Red out of his arms and takes off in the direction of his lab. "Wait, what do you mean you figured it out?"

Donnie sets Red down on his desk as he practically flies around the lab looking for various pieces of equipment. Leo stands beside the de-mutated turtle and places his hand on the desk to keep Red from wandering off of the edge.

"I told you, at first it acted like a virus, but then it mutated, so all I had to do was figure out how to stop the mutating cells from multiplying." Donnie holds up a vial with a yellow liquid in it before continuing, "Which this serum will do, and then I can pump Raph full of some of his own blood that I have stored, and that should reverse the effects."

Leo pets Red's shell as Donnie starts hooking him up to a machine. "Do you even have any of Raph's blood that isn't tainted?"

Donnie nods as he continues setting everything up. "I have some reserves I kept while we were still at the farmhouse, before The Creep incident. I've already checked. It's still good, and this should work."

Red keeps trying to gnaw on the various wires and tubes around him. Leo has to move them out of the way more than once, so he decides to distract the turtle with his finger, making sure to keep it a safe distance from Red's mouth. "So, how long will this take?"

Donnie shrugs. "I'm going to give him the first dose of the serum, and then take a blood sample. I'll know almost immediately if it's working. From there, however, it could be a matter of hours or it could be weeks with repeated doses before I can inject Raph with his blood."

Leo nods as he watches Donnie inject the serum he created. "So, what are the other machines for?"

Donnie keeps his focus on the syringe in his hand and the turtle in front of him, who desperately keeps trying to hide in his shell. "Oh, they're just monitoring his vitals, temperature, and all of that. He's so tiny that our normal equipment wouldn't work. I had to cobble this stuff together."

Leo watches as Donnie takes out another syringe and starts extracting a blood sample. Once he's finished, Red pulls all of his limbs and his head into his shell. Leo grabs the toothbrush they use to clean Red's shell and starts gently scrubbing it over every part of Red's shell that he can reach, hoping to calm him down. Red loves shell scrubs and it seems to work, given that Red's head is starting to reemerge. It doesn't take long before he's staring up at Leo again, and Leo can't help but smile. At least, the little guy is feeling better.

It feels like forever before Donnie sighs behind him. Leo doesn't know if he's just tired or if something good has finally happened. He refuses to hold out hope. After all, lately it seems nothing good happens to them. "What is it?"

Donnie is suddenly beside him with an arm around his shoulder. "It's working. I won't know how fast it's working until I take another blood sample in a few hours, but this is a start, Leo. We can get Raph back."

Leo nods as he continues running the toothbrush over Red's shell. They may have found a way to reverse the physical effects, but Leo refuses to believe that they can get their brother back until he's standing here in front of him. He just doesn't have it in him anymore to have that kind of blind faith in the universe. Too much has happened, and he refuses to mourn his brother twice. "Do you need him here, or can I take him back to my room? He didn't exactly get to finish his lunch."

Donnie looks over his monitor quickly before nodding. "Just keep an eye on him. If he starts acting strange, or his color or temperature changes bring him back."

Leo disconnects Red from all the monitors and heads out of the lab. When he gets back to his room and sets Red down on his bed in front of the food bowl, Red doesn't hesitate to start eating again. "You didn't seem very comfortable in the lab. It's probably the only thing that you have in common with Raph."

It's the first time that he's spoken his brother's name out loud since his fight with the other two about what they should do with the de-mutated turtle, and it makes his chest tighten. Leo has to swallow a couple of times as he tries to work the lump out of his throat. Red is staring at him now and all Leo can do is turn away and cry. "I miss my brother."

He gives himself a couple of minutes to merely grieve, and then Leo composes himself again. He can't fall apart, even here. Red needs someone to watch out for him. After all, Leo's room may not be as hazardous as certain areas of the lair, but, even in his nearly spotless room, there are still dangers for a de-mutated turtle.

He returns to petting Red's shell once again. Leo honestly doesn't know if it's an attempt to calm himself or the turtle eating in front of him. "I don't know if we can get back what we've lost, but they're right we've gotta try, and…and I hope that you understand that."

For his part, Red seems to ignore him as he continues eating. Leo doesn't want to think about what will happen if this goes wrong. He doesn't want to consider how this will all end if this doesn't work. After all, he thinks it's a safe bet that they will have no choice but to follow through with Raph's wishes.

However, Leo isn't entirely certain that Donnie and Mikey will be on board with that. He can't blame them, of course, but it hurts and he hates this. Leo hates feeling like he's on the opposite side of them. He can't stand the idea of fighting against his own family, but Leo can't help but think that he's been doing exactly that since before Raph de-mutated.

After all, he's the one who pointed out that something was wrong with Raph in the first place. A part of him is furious with Donnie for not noticing that there was something wrong sooner, especially since Leo went to him and Don merely shrugged off his concerns. Hell, Donnie basically admitted that he didn't even notice a single one of Raph's symptoms until Leo had mentioned them.

However, another part of him - a much larger part, in fact - is far more infuriated with himself. Leo knew there was something wrong with Raph long before he addressed his concerns. He let his fear still his tongue and now they are all paying the price for it, but none as much as Raph.

Not to mention, he wasn't even able to fulfill his promise to his brother. There are times when Leo considers just grabbing Red and leaving. He doesn't think he would even make it out of the city before the others noticed, but he can't stop thinking that it's what both Red and Raph would want. Still, every time that the thought crosses his mind, Leo stops himself from running to the farm, because he made a promise to the rest of his family, too. He just wishes that that promise wasn't in direct conflict with the promise he made Raph.

Leo wonders if this is why he had so many disagreements with Raph. He's always seen himself as a fair and just guy. He didn't think that he ever put one family member before another, but as Leo sits on his bed, petting Red, he wonders if maybe that's not true. He wonders if perhaps sacrificing Raph's wishes for the wishes of the rest of his family isn't a new behavior.

Raph used to always complain that they didn't understand him…that they…no, that Leo didn't treat him the same way that he treated the other two. Leo always wrote it off as Raph being dramatic, but maybe he wasn't. Maybe Leo has always subconsciously put Raph last. After all, Raph never seemed to need Leo the way that the other two always have. He doesn't want to think that he had anything to do with Raph's decision to be released at the farm, but he can't ignore the twisting of his guts as he considers it.

Leo sighs as he watches Red turn away from the small amount of remaining food. He moves the bowl to his nightstand with a mental reminder to return it to the kitchen later. Leo can't help but smile as Red snuggles into the crook of his arm, enjoying what little heat he gives off.

Leo's sure that, if they somehow get Raph back and he remembers his time as a normal turtle, then his little brother will vehemently deny this. Then again, if they do manage to get Raph back and he does remember all of this, then Leo is sure he'll be too busy dealing with a livid Raph. After all, Raph always did have issues with broken promises…not that Leo can blame him.

Leo shakes his head. He refuses to think about the possibility of getting Raph back. After all, if something goes wrong, and it usually does, that'll just lead to more heartbreak and Leo doesn't think that he can take any more of that right now. He grabs Red and decides it's time for some meditation time. He hopes that Mikey isn't already cooking. He could use a break from watching Red.

However, Leo doesn't even manage to get his door open all of the way before a body practically slams into him. "Oh, man, Leo, I'm sorry. I was just really excited. Donnie said that he's worked out a way to get Raphie back. By the way, he needs Raphie. He said that it's time for another blood test. Oh, man, I hope we can get him back soon. I know Donnie said it could take weeks, but we've already waited forever. I don't think I can take anymore waiting."

Leo blinks rapidly at Mikey's rambling. It takes him a second to decipher why Mikey barreled into his room, and when he does, he merely nods. "Okay, sure, I'll take him to Donnie." Leo holds Red up so Mikey can see him.

"Good, I'll come, too."

It takes all of Leo's self-control not to sigh out loud. Instead, he just nods again as he makes his way to the lab. When Leo enters the lab, he doesn't hesitate to hand Red over to Donnie. This time Donnie has the syringe ready, and it only takes a few moments for him to examine the blood sample.

Leo sits on the metal exam table beside Mikey, who is surprisingly quiet the entire time that the two of them wait for the results. Mikey's leg is bouncing obnoxiously beside him, but Leo doesn't mention it. After all, he's fairly certain that they are all equally nervous.

After what feels like an eternity, Donnie turns to them with a bright smile on his face. "It's working surprisingly fast. I'll be able to give him a dose of his own blood in a few more hours. We could all wait in here or watch a movie or something, if you want."

Leo grabs Red out of Donnie's hands, so the other can go wash his hands and put everything away. "Yeah, let's go watch a movie. You can pick, Donnie."

Donnie shakes his head. "Nah, I've got a few more things to clean up first. Why don't you or Mikey pick?"

"Dibs!" Mikey yells as he races out of the room. Leo can't help but laugh as he follows his little brother.

Mikey has already picked out a movie and has moved onto making popcorn when Leo settles down with Red in his lap. "Well, so much for meditation, huh?" He pets Red's shell as he shifts to get more comfortable.

It doesn't take long before both Donnie and Mikey join him in front of the TV. Mikey hits play, and Leo doesn't know how to feel when the title screen of Raph's favorite movie starts playing. A part of him thinks it's rather fitting, given what they're waiting for, but another part of him just aches and misses Raph that much more.

They watch in silence for a few moments before Mikey starts rambling. It takes Leo a moment to realize that Mikey is commenting on certain scenes the way that Raph would. It hurts but it also makes Leo smile.

He shuts his eyes and remembers the last time that they watched this…back when it was truly the four of them. Leo remembers leaving early, reminding his brothers not to stay up too late. He wishes that he hadn't left. Leo so desperately wants to go back in time and stay until the ending credits. He wishes that he had talk to Raph more, and asked him why this was his favorite movie. He wishes he had sat down with his brother late at night and listened as Raph told him something silly like explosions are beautiful.

There's a lot that Leo wishes he had done or said to Raph, but he knows that regrets are useless. They're here now, and all he can do is move on. He wants to believe in Donnie and believe he can have a second chance, but there's something holding him back…something stopping him from hoping for the best. Before Leo can examine that further, there's a hand on his shoulder. He turns and stares up at Donnie, who's grinning brightly. "Come on, Leo, it's time."

Leo heaves a large sigh and finds himself preparing for the worst, even as the other two race to the lab. When he walks into the lab, Donnie takes Red off of him once again. "I'm going to give him one more blood test, just to make sure there are no more mutating cells producing, and then I'll inject him with the blood." Donnie has already started withdrawing blood.

Leo nods as he watches the whole process. Mikey is practically vibrating with anticipation. "How long will it take him to change?"

Donnie shrugs as he examines the blood sample. "I honestly have no idea. Since his de-mutation process took some time right up until the end when he fully mutated, I can only guess. It could take a matter of moments or it could be a slow progression. I'm thinking no longer than a week or two."

Donnie injects Red with Raph's blood, and they all watch with bated breath. They all just stare in utter silence, unmoving, waiting for something…anything to happen. It's the longest minute of their lives with seemingly no change, and yet none of them dare to move. After an hour, Mikey decides to leave. He does ask them to call him if anything changes, though, so Leo can't fault him for getting bored and leaving. Leo, on the other hand, can't seem to move. He's transfixed on the spot, just watching Red as he lies on the cold medal table.

Another hour has passed and Donnie has returned to working on some other project. Leo doesn't mind. He's got an eye on Red in case anything happens, and it's not as if he had any other plans for the evening. He starts absently petting Red's shell when Donnie abruptly stands and stretches. He turns and stares at Leo as if he forgot he was there. "You know, I did say that it could potentially take a couple of weeks. You two don't need to stay in here."

Leo merely shrugs as he continues petting Red. "I know. I just…I want to wait a little while longer."

Donnie nods. "Okay, well, I'm gonna go get some coffee."

Donnie leaves and returns with a steaming cup of coffee, and there is still no change in Red. Leo still doesn't know how to feel. He didn't actually believe that this was going to work anyway, but he feels lost and doesn't know what to do with himself. He knows that if he leaves and goes back to his room, he'll do nothing but sit there and think of this failure. He doesn't want to train. All it does is remind him of his missing sparring partner, so instead he stays and waits…for what? Leo doesn't know.

It's three and a half hours after they injected Raph, when Mikey returns with dinner for all of them. They eat in silence, and then Mikey returns the dishes to the kitchen. He's back and sitting beside Leo once again when there's a sudden scratching sound. Immediately, they all turn to stare at Red, who seems rather agitated as he scrapes his shell against the table. It takes a second for them to realize what's happening, but it's pretty obvious that he's changing.

His body shifts first, growing and altering, but his eyes are squeezed tightly shut as he shakes and whimpers. None of them know what to do, so they simply stand back and watch as it happens. They're afraid to crowd him and make the process even more uncomfortable.

It feels like a lifetime has passed before the form before them truly resembles their beloved brother. Raph slowly opens his eyes, and Leo watches as they begin to shift. The endless emotionless black beads slowly swirl and transform into the familiar vibrant chartreuse that Leo knows and loves.

The suddenly verdigris colored eyes are wide with palpable pain, which causes Leo both anguish and excitement. Raph's vision clears, and he seems to be in less pain. He tries to sit up, but all three of them move as one to push him back down, afraid that moving too much too quickly will harm him after that ordeal.

He stares at all of them for a long moment, seemingly memorizing all of their faces, and Leo breathes out a relieved sigh. It's the first spark of hope that he's felt since this whole nightmare began, but it's immediately dashed the moment that Raph speaks. "Where am I? And who are you?" It's then that Leo realizes that there is no sign of recognition in Raph's bright jade colored eyes.

Leo's chest tightens as his legs give out. He hears the sound of something clattering to the floor, but he doesn't know what it is. His vision blurs with tears as his breath hitches. They've lost their brother for a second time, but he doesn't know what's worse…having Raph beside him with no memory of being their brother or the de-mutated turtle he once was. After all, it's fairly obvious that they're both equally not his brother.

The promise that he made to Raph suddenly rings in his ears, and Leo knows now that he should have fought harder. He should have listened to Raph and fulfilled his wishes, because now he doesn't even have a chance to do so. He's lost Raph all over again and there's nothing that Leo can do about it except beg for forgiveness from someone who doesn't even remember why he needs to ask for it. In fact, the turtle lying on the medical table no longer knows enough to know that Leo doesn't deserve his forgiveness, and probably never will…not after this…not after what Raph has become.

The End (for now)


End file.
